Junia Baker's Journal

Chapter Twelve

Benji clears his throat and snatches the pillow beside him, putting it over his lap. "Hey babe." He replies to my mother. "That's good, lucky you!" He tries to sound just as enthusiastic to her but I can see right through it. I know all he's thinking about is me.

My mom walks into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind her. Benji immediately stands up and I look at him, a firm smirk planted on my face while I watch him adjust his pants. I expect his next move to be getting on top of me, but my dirty thoughts are quickly erased when he opens his mouth. "I gotta go, Junia." He mumbles. I instantly feel sad. I thought that we were finally getting somewhere and despite my mother interrupting us, I thought he'd use the opportunity of her being in the bathroom to continue where we left off, no matter how risky it was.

"Wha-where are you going?" I ask, a frown forming on my face. I sit up.

"Work. I have to work." He scoops his car keys up from the ottoman and walks to the door.

I stand up, my frown deepening. "You don't work today."

"I forgot that I did." He mutters back, his energy completely shifting. He's so cold now. He opens the door and leaves, not even saying goodbye. Did he really need to get away from me, from here so badly that he felt the need to make up some bullshit lie? Panic begins to set in and I gulp, my throat feeling uncomfortably dry as I rush to my bedroom to hide away from my embarrassment.

****

Over the course of the next two weeks, Benji avoided me at all times when he came over. He would hide away in my mom's room, spend a lot of time in the bathroom to where sometimes I'd have to pound on the door to get him out if I needed to use it (though at times I did it simply just to get him out to maybe spark a conversation, but it never worked) and he would just walk right past me. More often than not, he would be drunk off his ass, passed out on the couch. Was he getting so loaded to avoid talking to me or being alone with me? It's making me sad. What happened?

For a second it sounded like he was confessing that he wanted me in the way that I've been wanting him for a long time, but it went away just as fast as it came. I thought we were going to kiss and hold each other any chance we got or sneak away with each other but I was so wrong.

I sit at the kitchen table doing homework, working on an assignment for school. As I near the end of my page, I hear the front door open. I expect it to be my mother, but I perk up as I see Benji. I pretend I don't notice him, and I hear his heavy footsteps approaching and my heart starts to race. My breathing becomes scattered and I drop my pencil as he walks into the kitchen.

He places his keys on the counter and clears his throat, a nervous tick he has. I notice he does it a lot when he speaks to me or when he passes by me. Did I give him this tick?

"Hey." He says softly.

"Hi." I reply bluntly, not knowing how to act around him. Now all of a sudden he wants to talk to me?

"What ya up to? Your mom home?" He asks, running his hand through his hair. I glance up at him and I feel myself get consumed with a feeling I don't quite know how to describe. It feels like an ache. An ache for him.

"Homework. And no." I sigh. "I'm surprised you're even here." I add on.

"Why are you surprised?" He questions.

I roll my eyes and pick my pencil up, going back to trying to finish my homework.

"Hey, Junia. I asked you a question." He says sternly, pulling a chair out and sitting at the table diagonal from me.

"Oh! So now you want to talk? When it's on your terms? That's bullshit." I grumble.

"What? What do you mean?" I can feel him staring at me, burning a hole through my skull. Why is he acting clueless?