You Promise(d) Me - Loki Laufeyson

Chapter 12

Esmeray stared into the hand-held mirror she borrowed from Loki. The cool, violet tint of her eyes caught the light, with blue flecks flickering in and out as she squinted at the reflection.

"I hope you haven't become Narcissus."

He focused his own on reading one of his larger books. He had grown weary of her staring at that mirror for a long time. Besides changing facial expressions and angles, she had moved around a little, concentrating on herself.

"Try not seeing your face for so long," she retorted. "I haven't seen these since I was a kid." She opened her mouth wide, seeing her large canines and her full set of teeth. Esmeray snapped her jaw shut, lifting her lips to reveal her gums, confirming her aligned teeth throughout her mouth. Her hand then brushed to her forehead. Her face became stern, catching a minor detail.  "Huh."

"What is it?" Loki asked, still reading.

"Sometimes when I got injured, I'd have to add scars to maintain the illusion." After all, blending in required such appearances and adding minor details was fun. It gave her creations more character, and not all of her injuries were as severe as they should have been. If an injury disappeared completely, it wouldn't look right to others. She had to remember to add each one as it happened, and it got easier over time as she shifted forms more frequently, especially the ones she used the most often. Even before she had to change out of the body she had now permanently, she healed so quickly that no marks remained. It felt strange back then, and even now, her skin remained unblemished.

"I don't want to have all of them." If she did, there wouldn't be any part of her skin without scar tissue, and the memories would constantly overwhelm her. Though being like this isn't better.

"But it's a problem, because if I do this," she covered her forehead again, hiding the first line nearest her hairline while keeping the second one below visible. She turned her face towards him to view. "My facial features are exactly like my mother's. Well, other than different colors. before the whole dead part." The frown returned when she faced the mirror. From the few memories she remembers of that time, the resemblance to her face was strikingly uncanny, despite differing skin tones and marking colours. Esmeray had dark green skin with pale, nearly white facial streaks while her mother had lighter skin and darker, almost black etchings. 

Remembering how she ended up as just another corpse just made her grim.

"Did she also have those marks under her eyes? And her wings drooping?" The shapeshifter glared at him cooly. Even after shifting back, the tired look remained, and the main reason behind their appearance was still unsolved. Esmeray was slowly adjusting to relying on her back muscles to support her wings, a movement she hadn't practiced since childhood. They slumped whenever she lost focus.

"She didn't have wings. It skips generations. And I'm not going to sleep." She folded her wings and placed the mirror down, tired of posing. "I told you, I don't need sleep as much. I'm not risking it." While more rest could help her function better temporarily, it wouldn't prevent the inevitable. Loki sighed, lifting his head from the book.

"You can sleep on the bed," he said, his eyes returning to the pages. Esmeray blinked. "Besides, I'd like to finish this."

Esmeray pressed her lips together. "I can't sleep in the same room as someone awake." Faking falling asleep that first night did work until Loki fell asleep, but now she couldn't fully let herself go again, which stressed her out. Her mind wouldn't shut down with others nearby. The biggest threat was still within, and though she trusted him to some extent, she couldn't rely on others not to make mistakes. Experience had taught her never to let her guard down, even when asleep.