The Defiant

Epilogue

Roan

Three years after Atlas died and the war ended, I sat on our patio and looked out into the woods. I wondered if he was out there looking at me, or if he was inside watching the rest. If he was out there, I flipped him the bird and frowned. 

Maybe it was the darkness in me, but I would have rather let the world die than him. We all lost our powers. As we felt them drained, we also felt his soul drawn to whatever the afterlife holds for us.  It was the worst feeling I had ever felt, and I felt a lot of things in my life. Another dark part of my mind wished he had taken me with him.  I know that if I had gone with I would have mourned everyone else, but... he was alone. 

I hoped Gabby was keeping him company. We didn't talk to her much, but I liked her sass. It was a character trait I hadn't learned how to use until after he was gone. Now I am sassy to him. Because I am mad at him. I am also mad at our "Mother". I understood the sacrifice was necessary, even though the thought made me sick. Yet even now I still hold anger at her for dooming him to a period of loneliness. 

I hoped both of them were watching us so that they could see how miserable their decision made everyone. Saya had nightmares after that day. He still does. Every night he wakes up crying and hyperventilating, asking Atlas to stay. I was angry that they made him do such a thing. There is an all-consuming stillness in the rest of us. How it felt when we were all together... it was a feeling I held onto, wishing it would come again sooner rather than later. And perhaps it would. 

I had begun to waste away. I had gone back to being nonverbal. It was not a confidence issue this time, it was simply that I had no energy to muster. 

"You're a shell, Roan," said Delta one day when they were visiting. "You know we are all worried about you."

I stared past them. I knew, and it hurt to know that I was hurting everyone.

The screen door slid open and light footsteps came up to my side. It was Saya. I observed his messy hair and disheveled face. He must have just woken up from another nightmare. "Roan," he said, voice breaking. 

I blinked, watching as he took my hand. "I had another dream. But it was different this time."

The wind rustled, and I used a little energy to squeeze his hand. 

"You haven't eaten anything in days," He whispered. "I know what you are doing."

I think almost everyone knew. Josiah refused to look at me. He would cry every time he did. Dakota took me to my therapy sessions, brushed my hair, and tried to feed me. I made him cry too. Ezra talked to me about things happening in the world in a desperate attempt to reach me. Sparrow and Levi were both a bit too emotionally distraught themselves to notice. Not that I wanted them to. 

I often caught Sparrow staring at nothing, and he would turn to me and give me a weak smile before starting off again. I wondered if he was imagining better times. Levi swam constantly. He became addicted to it. He would swim for around eight hours a day before coming home, eating, and passing out for the night.

Saya took a breath. "In my dream," he started, "I saw Mother Nature. She told me that you keep asking things of her and she is not sure whether or not to give them to you. She also said that Atlas watches over you. She said he is by your side now and won't leave." 

My eyes started to water. 

"She said that you will be trading one pain for another, but it is your choice."

I looked at the mess of pine needles on the patio and watched as another joined the pile from one of the trees above. I looked through the glass doors and saw Sparrow sitting at the bar like he always does, staring at nothing. Saya looked at where I was looking.

Saya let out a pained sob, and choked out "I don't think we survived that day."

A tear warmed my cheek, and I squeezed his hand lightly in agreement. 

"Do you think we can be alive again?"

No. 

I think that before that day, we had become a whole being, and each of us was a vital part of it. I think that when one falls, the rest will follow. Our souls had gone quiet. And I don't think they will speak again until we are together. 

I said no such thing. 

I looked into Saya's eyes, seeing the torment I saw in everyone else's. It was unrelenting and spurred on by the knowledge that we saved the world but not our own. "I... Love... You," I whispered, then turned to look out at the woods again. It was a struggle to do so. "See... you later."

I breathed a deep breath and closed my eyes. 

A hand rested on my leg. "Roan?"

My eyes opened again and I saw Saya looking at me with those broken eyes still. But on my other side...

"You're here," I said, voice light.

Atlas smiled at me. "You're here," he responded. 

"Am I-"

"Yeah," he said sadly. 

I stood and turned to look at Saya as he realized I was gone. My body was thin and my skin was pale. My eyes had dark circles that were increasing by the minute with my death. "I love you too," he cried quietly. 

"What do we do?" I asked Atlas, scanning his curly blonde hair and hazel eyes. He was just as beautiful as he was when we lost him. 

He wrapped an arm around me and kissed the top of my head. "It's really hard, but we just watch," he whispered. "And... we wait."

"For what?" I

"For them. We wait for them."

I see. We wait, just like he waited for me. We defeated the Mother, but we contracted a disease by doing so. And it was slowly getting to us, one by one. 

"We didn't get a happy ending," I sighed. 

"We didn't," he said, sounding like he'd thought over this before. "But once we are done waiting we can be happy."

And so we waited- Until the rot in our lives consumed the rest of us. 

The moment Dakota finally opened his eyes and saw the rest of us standing over him was when we finally got our happiness.