Behind The Shadows

Shattered Innocence

I once knew a man that said "life is full of darkness, be the light" and that man was my light when I couldn't be. He was the most sweetest and understanding person in my life, even when someone hurt him he'd shine brighter than them because he knew his worth. He was brave, loving and the most loyal person that cared about me more than life itself. He wasn't weak, he was a man that couldn't be his own light in a world full of darkness anymore. That man is someone I'm proud to call my father. This isn't my story, this is his.

    A child's life is meant to be full of joy and happiness but my dad's childhood was swarming with evil and pure darkness. People always say that your mother is your best friend and will forever look out for you, no matter what. But my dad's mother was the demon in his life that always chose older men, alcohol and drugs over her own child. His mother even turned his own sister against him, so he had to defend himself at only eight years old. No child deserves to endure the amount of pain and torture that came into my father's life, they deserve a life full of happiness and love that makes you feel thrilled about the future and who you're going to become. Parents are supposed to keep you safe in this world, not throw you into the lions den but that's how my father's story began.

    He was too young to realise that his pain and suffering was caused by the same people he trusted his life with. He wanted to believe that his mother cared for him as much as she cared for his sister, however soon enough his beliefs changed when he was thrown out into the miserable and imperfect streets of Dundee as a child. No one cared that he was alone, they were greedy and only wanted what was best for themselves which led my father in trouble with the law and constantly being thrown in and out of an insanely amount of care homes throughout Scotland. Only one of them would change his life forever.

    My father used to tell me stories about a certain care home he was put into and I never realised how bad it actually was until he broke down in tears in front of me, completely lost in his own words just like he was having a real life flashback which is something I never truly believed in up till that day. It was an incredibly warm and gorgeous day, and I had unfortunately got myself grounded that exact morning which led to me not being able to enjoy the weather with my friends but now five years later I'm looking back at that day and I'm glad I wasn't able to. I was sitting on the floor in our cold, shivering living room when my father wanted to talk to me about him being in a care home, hoping it would make me understand the difference between having loving parents and having evil ones. He mentioned that the home that he was in was abusive both mentally and physically. The children weren't allowed out of their rooms after a certain time and were punished if they even tried to go out to get some fresh air due to the rooms being too tight and gloomy, but that only ended terribly for all of them. The staff became to seal the doors completely shut behind the children every time they entered a room, even if it was to just go to the bathroom. If the children were to argue with one another and make the smallest mistakes possible, the staff would lock them into their rooms for many hours hoping that they've learned their lesson but that just made their attitude more lousy and frequent. The staff was just as abusive as my father's mother, there was no escape.

That place was a nightmare, it was full of its own demons. Those demons created the monsters within those poor children that wanted love, their innocence was ripped and purely drained from them. My father's innocence was already taken from him before the home, so they started to rip his soul from right under his nose instead. There was nothing left of my father in the care home, only pain and suffering. The home was supposed to care for the children and show them the love they never had from their family but instead of that, they tore them apart slowly until there was nothing left of them. They took advantage of small, young children and left them to fend for themselves. Those children weren't children anymore. They were props.

    You would think a mother would regret losing her child to social services and would put in the effort to visit them, whether they're in jail or a mental institution let alone a care home. His mother only showed up for one day for an hour to see how her son was doing and after that she never returned. My father was in that home for many years alone, watching the other children's families come to visit when he sat in a corner filled with darkness and despair. He was seen as a sweet little boy who was just influenced by the wrong people and couldn't get out until a couple decided to adopt him, therefore he went to live with them and their other seven children whom they adopted too. Except one little boy who was their biological son and he accepted my father with open arms. He was finally treated with respect and love for those many years he was with rabe and Sheila. They treated all of their children the exact same way and never loved one more than the others, they were a beautiful family. My father finally felt like he was wanted by someone and always appreciated everything they done for him, even when Shelia passed away due to cancer when I was just a little girl, rabe always took care of my father no matter how old they both became. I don't remember her that much but I'll always remember rabe and how thoughtful he was towards me and my mother. He was perfect.

    You're probably wondering why my father's father hasn't been mentioned until now, that's because he was never in the picture and chose expensive holidays and items over his family. My father's dad was in the army for many years and travelled mostly his whole life, taking his children with him until he left the army and his family. I think that's one of the main reasons why my father was who he was. I can't imagine what he would've went through seeing his own dad not caring about the abuse he received from his mother. The favouritism was in plain sight when it came to my father and his sister, one was being heavily abused and the other got so much love and affection. Abuse back then wasn't quite seen by many people, just as mental health wasn't either but I suppose that was their normal way around things. Their way of things was full of anger and frustration that they then took out on their own children. Those people failed as a parent in my eyes because no matter how tempted you are to let all of the rage go, you should never make a young child feel that desperate for love with all of the abuse that they endured.

    My father's life would suddenly change for the better after meeting a beautiful women at a party that was incredibly crowed with plenty of other women that he could've chosen, however this girl in particular shined brighter than any star in this world full of darkness. He fell in love with her as soon as he saw her, and the deep hole of darkness in his heart became full again. She was perfect.