The Best Woman's Secret

~Guilt~

Ravens POV🖤

I slam the door and slide down it trying to catch my breath. Why did I do that? Fuck! She looked so hurt and scared.

Tears start to flood my eyes and burn like acid. I hate crying but I sit there staring at the staircase and flashes of the kiss appear and I cry more. I hear the sound of a car pulling up and I pray it's not Jamie. I stand up and look out the window and see the car from last night, telling me it's Mikayla. I watch as she gets out the car and starts talking to Dakota. I guess she said something because Mikayla looked towards the house. I immediately leave the window and go to the kitchen.

I hear the car drive off and I let out a breath. I start to pour some wine in my glass when my phone starts to vibrate in my purse. I get it out and see it's Jasmine. I sigh but I answer needing some type of way to get my mind off this. "Hey sis."

"What's wrong? You sound like you've been crying?" Great.

"Just cramps." I lie. "What's up?" I ask.

"Oh I feel that. But I called to see if you wanted to go out tonight?" She asks.

I chuckle. "Uh it's Tuesday Jas, did you forget we have work?" I say and I hear her laugh.

"Yes, but I hear there's an opening of a new club and I want to be apart of the initial hype before it turns into another one on the block." She says and I hear the sound of keys in the background.

I take a sip of my wine and hum. "I'll think about it. I already missed one day." I say and realize my mistake.

"Wait you aren't at work? Why?"

"Jamie and Dakota came to the house last night drunk so Dakota and I could talk." I say not wanting to get into it.

"And you called out all day to just have what, a 15 minute conversation?" She asks skeptically.

I sigh. "Yes I didn't feel like going anyway." I shrug.

"Hm and is she still there?" She asks and my heart sinks wishing she was. I want to feel her lips on mine again. "Raven!" She yells.

"Yeah?"

"Jeez you were quiet for like 5 minutes. Where'd you go?"

Damn get it together. "Oh I went to the bathroom to get pain killers these cramps are brutal. Um I'm gonna go though I have to go do something but I'll call you later." I say and hang up before she has the chance to say something.

I rush upstairs and change into jeans and a big graphic tee and sneakers. I grab my keys and drive towards her condo. I get there and knock on the door. "Raven?" Mikayla answers the door and she looks confused.

I smile slightly. "Uh hey. Is she here?" I ask.

She looks back and then sighs. "She's not talking to me. And honestly sometimes I wish she would just shut up but now I don't know what's going on. She just mentioned an accident." She says and my mind races on which accident she's talking about. The truck or the kiss.

"Uh yeah we almost got in one from the mall. It was scary. That's why I want to talk to her. Make sure she's ok." I say hoping she'll allow me. She nods and lets me in.

"She's in her studio. The last door of the hall. Just walk in she won't hear you knock." I nod and she walks towards the kitchen.

I walk down the hall and as I walk, I take in all the art plastered on the walls. Is this all hers? The sound of a Lucky Daye song is blasting through the walls and I now understand why Mikayla said she wouldn't hear me and I open the door. My heart skips a beat as I see her bopping her head to the song as she strokes the paint brush on the canvas effortlessly. She's in black overalls with one strap off the shoulder and a white tank top underneath revealing a full arm sleeve and her back muscles are so well defined and she has a sparrow on her right shoulder. She has on a black bandana keeping her loose curls from falling in her face. She so sexy unintentionally, god definitely has favorites and Dakota is one of them.

I notice her jaw clenches and tongue stick out when she's concentrated on a certain line. Her beautiful light hazel eyes are narrow as she focuses. I want her to look at me with such passion that it shoots fire up my entire body. I find myself walking further in and I guess my presence surprises her and she turns to me quickly. I stand frozen looking at her as she frantically looks anywhere but me. "Hey." Hey?

She narrows her eyes at me and I hate how she's looking at me. "You need to leave." She says plainly and I swear my heart shatters. But why? I don't have feelings for her I just think she's attractive. So why do I feel like I'm losing so much with those words?

"Dakota I'm-

"I said leave Raven. We cannot be near each other right now." She doesn't yell it but I hear the seriousness and intensity of it. She looks at me with a pleading look and I want to cry but I refrain from letting her see my tears and nod and leave.

I make it towards the kitchen and Mikayla is cooking. "How'd it go?" I shrug. "Did something else happen? She seemed more nervous then someone would at a near miss. Trust me the way she drives, I'm surprised I haven't been in a hospital bed with her yet." She jokes but then her laugh dies down after seeing my face. She touches my hand. I lift my eyes to look at her and I just want to cry. "Hey what happened?" She asks again.

Tears start flowing out and not showing any sign of slowing down. "I-I can't." I leave the kitchen and walk out and driving seeing the figure of Mikayla standing at the door looking just as confused as I am as to why I feel so hurt.

I don't go home knowing Jamie will be there eventually and I don't want him to see me crying because he'll ask and I'll feel too guilty to not tell him the truth. Why should I feel guilty? I mean it was just a spare of the moment kiss, right? It doesn't mean anything. But it means so much. Why me?

I drive to a park and just sit in my car looking out as the sun sets. Ring Ring! My eyes snap open and I realize I went to sleep when I see the moon high in the sky. I look at my phone and see Jamie is calling. "Hello?" I say in a raspy voice.

"Jesus Christ Raven!" I hear him take a deep breath. At least he still cares about me. "Where are you? I've been calling and texting. I even called Dakota and she's not answering either! I thought something happened to you guys!" He says and I hear his voice break. God he's crying. Fuck!

"Uh yeah. I'm sorry baby. Um we went out and talked and then she left to go home. She's probably working." I say not completely lying.

"Yeah I know. I got in contact with Mikayla saying she's fine. But my question is where are you baby? I'm worried sick over here."

"I went to the park to just get some fresh air and to just relax. I'm in my car don't worry. I just fell asleep. I'm sorry. I'm heading home now." I sigh trying to get my head straight.

"Ok babe. Just get home. I love you." And for once since the wedding I truly believe it. Fuck I feel like an idiot. I'm no better than him. Sure we didn't sleep together but still. His best friend? How cliche?

"I-I love you too Jamie. See you in like 30 minutes." I say and hang up. I head home trying to clear my mind as much as possible.

I get home and see the lights on. I sigh wishing he would've just been in bed. I walk in and immediately engulfed in a hug. I bury my face in his chest that usually brings comfort but right now it's just making me feel worse and he has no idea. He pulls back and looks me over and smiles and kisses me softly. Rough and cold. "God I missed you baby. Are you ok?" I nod and he smiles. "Ok let's get to bed it's late." He says and I giggle when he picks me up bridal style and carries me upstairs.

We get upstairs and he lays me softly on the bed and kiss my forehead laying down next to me. I turn my back to him and he wraps his arms around me and I hum at the comfort and warmth. I listen to his soft breaths and thank the lords he doesn't snore. I close my eyes and let sleep takeover.