Healing Sophie

38

Theo had always struggled with figuring out what he wanted to do with his life. How was one supposed to just pick a field when there were so many interesting things out there to learn? He often overheard Chase chatting passionately about films, or Sophie talking about music, and he felt happy for them, but also a bit envious. He wanted to feel that way about something. He enjoyed video games, but he honestly didn't believe he could build a career for himself. He was in a constant state of adopting an interest, obsessing over it, and then dropping it completely. He had always felt like there was too much to learn and see and not nearly enough time.

Sophie squeezed Theo's hand with surprising strength beside him as they sat in the red auditorium chairs, watching Jess's performance. She was great. She sang as passionately as her friends spoke. That small envious feeling once again rose in Theo's mind and he tried to shove it back down. He felt nervous. He had done some singing as a kid in a church play, but that was the extent of it. Singing with Sophie in the living room, though, made him feel like this could be something to get excited over and to stick with, even if he didn't see himself furthering his music career later on. He just needed to see something through.

Jess finished and the other performers clapped. The professor stood and called out, "Thank you, Jess. That was wonderful. Next is..." she glanced down at her clipboard and back up. "Sophie Hart and Theodore King."

Theo squeezed Sophie's hand before pulling her up and tugging her to the stage with him. She nestled onto the piano bench and looked at him with those beautiful doe eyes, seeking comfort. He shoved aside his own nerves and gave her his usual confident grin. Her shoulders visibly slacked and she began playing, the crowd before them silencing.

Their performance was as electric as it had been in the living room. Something about being around Sophie felt incredibly intoxicating and energizing to Theo, like the very particles floating between them were charged by their chemistry.

When Theo sang and when he listened to Sophie's beautiful voice, he was no longer thinking about what he wanted to do with his life or his envy towards others. He was simply existing in that moment, their voices flowing together.

They finished singing and let the final note fade into the air.

Whether they got the part or not, Theo decided, it was worth getting to experience that magic with her up on that stage.

They were magic.

Victor sat in the back of the brightly-lit room, observing like he had done every Tuesday for the past few weeks. He had not yet spoken or accepted Davis's offer for sponsorship. He wasn't ready. He never felt any judgement circulating through the room, but he still felt anxious. He felt guilty about how shitty of a person drinking had made him. He wasn't ready to face the people he had hurt.

It was nice just observing. Somehow, they always seemed to read and talk about passages that corresponded exactly with how Victor was feeling at the moment or what he was struggling with. It was a safe space for him and everyone there.

The current theme was, of course, about feeling self-conscious. An older gentleman that Victor had seen at past meetings stepped up to the podium and spoke into the microphone.

"Hi, my name's Jon and I'm an alcoholic."

"Hi, Jon," the crowd replied.

"Today we're talking about self-consciousness, so I thought I would come up here and share my story. One of my favorite sayings is 'you are progress, not perfection.' Growing up, I struggled a lot with all substances. I could not stand to be alone with myself because I just genuinely hated who I was. I would go out with friends and if I didn't immediately knock back some shots, all my brain would be thinking is 'they hate you.', 'you're more fun when you're drunk.' I had some friends actually tell me that I was boring when sober. It caused me to develop a bad relationship with alcohol and with myself. I had ingrained it into my brain that I was no good sober. So I kept drinking. And every time I woke up the next day, I felt mentally and physically worse. I was starting to tear apart my body and my mind. I finally quit and those friends took themselves out of the equation. It was hard at first, but I made new friends who didn't judge me for not drinking. They lifted me up and made me feel like I was more than an alcoholic. Without them, I would have kept drinking myself to death. Thank you."