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I felt used.
They always say relationships can drain and take a toll on you but I never once thought I would be drained by the love of my life.
My husband.
I feel like he used my body as an escape of his feelings, but that didn't make me escape my feelings or reality.
That just made me feel worse, like I was only good for my body.
I know deep down azire loves me and that wasn't his intention, but his actions since lately has shown the exact opposite to the man I feel so deeply inlove with.
I know he didn't intend on using me, but I can't stop myself from thinking that.
I just can't.
Onto worser things though.
My babies.
I still can't get over the fact that I lost not one, not two, but 3 babies and I couldn't do anything to stop two of them.
I regret that mistake I made years back and even to this day my decision haunts me.
All of my babies haunts me and I've yet to face actual reality because I fear the outcome.
There's only so much hurt I can't take.
It's hard going about your life knowing you're on the verge of ending it all--leaving your love ones behind. If only someone could see through the facade you put up but sadly no one will notice until it's too late.
The smile on my face that's never genuine but I still keep it there to uphold the facade and noone ever noticed.
The only person who saw a little through the facade was karma, she was always the one to pull me back from the edge, that was until azire came along.
A smile couldn't help but appare on my lips as I thought about my husband, my bestfriend that guy who I've loved eversince I was a child even before I genuinely knew what love was.
We drifted apart but we would always mend our broken pieces, then we would be on our way through our endless journey of trauma and guilt.
I blinked away my thoughts, my usual half smile lifting up to my lips when my mother face appeared on my screen.
"Hey mommy," I smiled laying my head on the pillow beside me my eyes scanning her face.
