Apologies and forgiveness for something unforgivable

You can't save everyone

"No, Akutagawa, we can't kill her! Maybe she could...we could...!"

Akutagawa lost his nerves. How can this softie be so warm-hearted that he would try to save a strangers life even putting the success of a mission on the line. Naive! Why doesn't he understand?

"Weretiger! You can't save everyone! I told you this so many times but you just don't understand!

Do you really think that saving an injured tiger, in the knowledge that it will kill many animals after its recovery, is merciful?!

What you want to do is exactly what our enemy wants us to do!"

Atsushi stared at him. An injured tiger... Akutagawa was right: He couldn't save this woman. Their enemy has already calculated their moving. Saving her would only cause more problems and human lives.

But he didn't want to see the fact that she was lost. Atsushi looked towards her desperately:

To his surprise the woman wasn't afraid anymore: She had an idle glance and her hand was writing three words with her spit on the ground:

KILL ME.

PLEASE!

Atsushi opened his mouth and his eyes widened shocked. Why would she want them to kill her? His mind searched for words of protest but he just couldn't bring himself.

His mouth was dry and sweat ran down from his cheeks.

At this moment Akutagawa spoke up. His cold voice slashed like a sharp blade against Atsushi's chest:

"As your wish!"

Atsushi intended to stop him. His transformed pranks reached out to grab Akutagawa but Rashomon's tendrils had already pierced through the woman.

Blood ran out her opened mouth. Atsushi ran towards the woman and knelt down. His knees touched the ground with a bonk.

His strong arms embraced the dying body of the young woman. He could feel her body shaking and losing its warmth.

With her last breaths she finally let out her secrets:

"A-are you th-the b-black caped beast?"

Akutagawa approached slowly and answered:"Yes, I think you would call me that. So what?"

"Do you remember that police station you destroyed? The woman that came in, right after you slaughtered those police officers, was my sister. And a week ago, they took my son away. He was murdered in front of my eyes...I don't have the willingness to live anymore...

I can tell you that part of your targets ability is: Lightning strikes come out of his hands. That's all I know...

Promise me, black beast, save Yokohama. Make sure that my life wasn't ruined for nothing..."

Then she closed her eyes...

...forever.

Atsushi screamed. With this woman's death he lost all his gathered sympathy for Akutagawa:

"Why...! Why did you kill her! We could have found a way to get her out!

She lost her will to live but that doesn't mean she can't live!

Why are you always like that? How can a human be so cruel and cold hearted?!

Do you even know how it feels to loose everything you loved, like this woman did?!

No! You don't! You got power, authority and strength, you never worried about your life and never felt to be at the spit of despair! Still, you kill recklessly and without a second thought. That's why Dazai-san chose to leave you! And I hope for him to not regret that decision because it was the right one!

A good person like him should not mix up with someone like you!"

Atsushi had a Blackout. He didn't knew if those words came from his heart but they were the words that came out of his mind first.

What he didn't know was that those words stabbed right into Akutagawa's heart. And there is it again: An overwhelming hatred.

Akutagawa couldn't stay calm anymore. How dare the weretiger assume such things:

"Shut the fuck up! Do you even know anything about me?! Do you think I have been in this lofty position since I was born?! Do you think I never experienced pain and despair?!

You always think your past is the worst and your kindness is only a mask. You don't care, that there are quite a few people who have experienced even worse things than you!

What that woman needed to go through isn't something unusual for the people in my surrounding. It would even count as relatively lucky.

You say I'm cold hearted? Everyone in the Mafia would have handled that just like me. I was taught to be merciless. I was trained to kill! I was told that killing was my only purpose in life! If I had been merciful I would have been killed myself.

I was weak! I was pathetic! And this is what I got punished for! Now I know better: First, In any case, someone will get killed. Make sure that you are not that someone. An ancient rule, existing since the beginning of human evolution.

Second, Never trust anyone. Your best friend can turn out as your worst enemy. If you don't want to feel the taste of betrayal, give up trust.

The last, but most important one: Nobody is interested in your feelings!

As for you: You can't save everyone!"

Atsushi was stunned. He needed to process Akutagawa's waterfall of words. In the end he just raised his head and looked up into Akutagawa's eyes:

"So you don't have any conscience? You just killed someone innocent after all..."

"I have no conscience at all — least of all an artistic conscience.

All I have is nerves."

Atsushi closed his eyes: Akutagawa...what exactly has created this monster out of you? I will get things straight... for sure!"