It's 3am and I'm high and writing this so this will probably be more stream of consciousness. Maybe I need to lay off the marijuana but I just don't want to. I have a very strange relationship with it where I am constantly embarrassed by it. I hate telling people I'm high. I feel so annoying whenever I text you high. I don't even really know what I like about it. I mean I guess it feels good. It kind of just dumbs me down. I like tiktoks and gooning more but what is that really worth. I feel like I've been just spending my days finding new ways to make fake dopamine. That's so cringe but I'm trying to be vulnerable here. I feel like I keep saying things I'm not supposed to. Does that make sense?
One thing I've noticed is that when I'm high I become hyper aware of why people say things. This is going to sound so dumb but I feel like I understand what made them say it and what they expected to get out of saying it. Everything becomes extra cringe. It sometimes makes talking to people unbearable. It almost feels like I'm reading their minds. I just get their intentions better I think. It makes me feel like I understand them more as a person. This probably sounds so dumb and obviously like I was high when I wrote it. I need to stop mentioning it it's getting too cringe.
I'm already in my semester funk and I need to get out of it immediately. I don't want to think about it anymore so I'm not going to write about it.
What else should I say hmm.
I do really miss you. I can't wait to visit. I think it's going to be really weird and kind of awkward. Going from being completely on the internet to meeting once for a few hours to like staying at your house. I worry that you won't actually like me. I'll be super nervous and awkward. What if I'm actually super annoying in real life. What if everyone actually hates me. What would I even do? I worry about it even though I know I shouldn't. I'm too high it's getting hard to properly type.
This is only 300 words bruh but what else do I have to say. Ummmm. I hope you liked my letter!
I've been in a bit of a music rut. I honestly think I'm just super depressed but just nothing is good right now. I've been listening to a lot of emo and car seat headrest. I just wish I could like things again.
This wattpad is so depressing like get a grip.
