ATLA: Azlua

Rebellion part Fifteen

Mai's journey was quiet for the most part, with Hong Li only getting one-word answers from her. As they arrived at the branch base location, she immediately retreated to her guest quarters, barely glancing back as she closed the door. She spent the next several hours pacing and brooding, her mind spinning with the weight of what lay ahead.

She tried to devise a plan that wouldn't involve killing him. Crippling him crossed her mind, blinding him, even hiding him away somewhere. But none of these would change what made him a true threat—his mind. His insight and intellect, the very things that made him indispensable to the rebellion, were also the reasons she was struggling now. If she were Azula, she might have been able to manipulate him, change his course, or find some way to twist things in her favor. But she wasn't Azula. She couldn't shape him the way she needed to.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear the knock at first. When she finally registered it, she barely had time to react before the door opened, and Hong Li entered with a small tray of dinner in his hands. He offered her a warm smile, but she could only manage a polite nod in return.

She wasn't hungry, and she assumed he would just leave the tray and go. But instead, Hong Li set the tray down and then sat across from her, his presence both a comfort and a reminder of what she had to do. He sat in silence, waiting for her to say something, but the words she wanted to say felt like lead in her mouth.

Hong Li tilted his head, breaking the silence. "You don't look too well. You've seemed... distant," he observed, his tone gentle.

Mai forced a small smile, though it didn't reach her eyes. "Just tired, I guess."

He nodded, studying her face. "I thought a quiet meal might help," he said, motioning to the food he'd brought. "We don't have to talk. Sometimes it's nice just to have company."

She appreciated the gesture, but the warmth in his eyes only made the weight in her chest feel heavier.

Mai brooded over her thoughts, the silence between them stretching until she finally spoke. "I think I'm a monster," she admitted, her voice low and pained.

Hong Li's eyes widened in surprise, and he shook his head, bewildered. "Why would you ever think that? You've helped so many people, saved so many lives. You're a hero, Mai."

Her expression darkened at his words, each compliment feeling like a hammer blow to her chest. She clenched her fist so tightly that her nails dug into her palm, drawing blood. With a shuddering breath, she stood up and turned to him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I killed my mentor," she began, her voice hollow. "He taught me everything I knew, and I killed him because he betrayed the Fire Nation."

"Mai, that's—" Hong Li started, but she cut him off.

"I betrayed one of the few people in the world who cared about me," she continued, her tone bitter. "I got his friend and his uncle killed."

"Mai..." he tried again, his tone gentle, but she didn't let him finish.

She let out a humorless laugh, her eyes alight with a frantic gleam. "You know the worst part?" she said, her voice almost hysterical. "I felt justified by every choice I made. All the people I've wronged or killed—I truly believed it was right. I told myself it was for the greater good or that it was the only way forward. Even this rebellion, this so-called noble cause, is just a means to satisfy Azula."

Her breathing was ragged, her whole body trembling with the force of her confession. She didn't even try to hold back the tears now, letting them spill down her face.

Hong Li let a moment of silence hang between them before responding. "I haven't lived a long life," he began, his voice steady, "but in these past few months, I've had more responsibility than I ever thought possible. I've sent people to die for noble reasons and for foolish ones. I've betrayed people's trust because I promised more than I could deliver. But that's all in the past now. I can't change it, and neither can you. All we can do is move forward. If you believe it'll be justified in the end, then maybe that's enough. Maybe that's all any of us can hope for."