Runaways: a divergent fanfiction

Chapter 19: Tobias

I had to do it, I tell myself. All I do is hurt her. It's for her own good. Her broken, angry face flashes through my mind. Her mother was right after all, it is best if I stay away from her. But, God it hurts. I want to be with her the way the Dauntless are. Whenever we have to go to important meetings, I always watch the Dauntless. There are always couples that look so happy together. They hold hands, they kiss, they hug, and they don't have to worry about getting in trouble. 

 That's what I hate about Abnegation. All of the other factions are allowed to have relationships, before marriage, I mean. Abnegation is wrong. Love is not self indulgent. Love is selfless. Showing someone how you feel, and sacrificing parts of yourself to be the best person you can be for your loved one, is far from selfish. 

It hurts. I physically feel pain from hurting Tris. And her words hurt too. She had every right though. I am a pathetic bastard, and no one will ever love me.

I press my back against the wall, and slide down until I am sitting on the floor. I bring my knees up to my chest, and put my head in my hands. Tris will never love me. Hot, salty tears glide down my face. Tris will never love me. The beautiful, strong woman I once had is now gone, and she won't come back.

It hurts to breathe. It hurts to cry. It hurts to think about the girl I let go. She was like a ray of light, shining through the gray haze thats my life. She was like a fire, bringing warmth to everyone around her. If you get to close, you are going to get burned. I wanted her to burn me.

The creak of the door drags me out of my thoughts, and I turn, hoping that it is the beautiful girl, whom I love so much,but I turn away when I see the gray work boot on my father's foot. He walk over to me, and he stands in front of me. He is so close that I can only see his pant leg. I close my eyes, and brace myself for the impact. There is no point in fighting with Tris gone, there is no point in living. open my eyes to see him raise his leg, getting ready to kick me, and then he hesitates. I close my eyes again, and welcome the pain. Then, I hear footsteps getting further and further away. 

I take this as a chance, and run up to the room and lock the door. I lay down on my bed, and I pull the covers up to my chin. I then close my eyes. I wish my father had hit me. Maybe that pain would take away from the pain in my heart. 

I am a cruel, pathetic bastard, who will not stand up to his father. I am nothing. Nobody will ever love me. More importantly, Tris will never love me.

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Hey Guys!! Here's the new chapter! Hope you enjoy!! Thank you so much for 700 reads! It means the world to me! Please comment your thoughts on the chapter! I love you all! :)

Lindsay <3