Valerie's POV
I left the house, my mind a whirlwind of confusion and frustration. I felt like I was suffocating under the weight of my own thoughts, battling with the chaos of my emotions. How had everything changed so fast? I used to be so fucking certain about my life, about Julien and our future together. But lately, it felt like I was constantly torn between what I was supposed to want and what I truly desired.
As I walked to class, I kept replaying the kiss with Liam in my head. It was just a moment, a stupid slip-up that meant nothing, right? But it didn't feel like nothing. It felt like a spark that ignited something deep within me, something that had been lying dormant for far too long. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I didn't have time for this shit. I needed to focus on my classes, my project, and the life I was supposed to be building with Julien.
"Hey, Val!" Emily's voice broke through my thoughts as she jogged to catch up with me. Her bubbly energy was like a breath of fresh air, but I could feel the tension simmering beneath the surface. "You're going to be late if you keep walking like that!"
"Yeah, I know," I replied, forcing a smile. "I just... lost track of time."
Emily eyed me, her brows furrowing with concern. "You okay? You seem a little off."
"Just the usual fucking stress, you know? School, projects, and the whole fiancé thing," I said, trying to brush it off. But even I could hear the hesitation in my voice.
"Right," she said, clearly not buying it. "You've been kind of quiet lately. Is it about Julien?"
"Ugh, it's complicated as hell," I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I don't even know where to start."
"Just tell me what's going on. You know I'm here for you," Emily urged, her tone shifting from playful to serious. I appreciated her concern, but I didn't know how to articulate the mess that was swirling in my head.
"It's just... I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions," I admitted, glancing down at my shoes. "I'm supposed to marry Julien, and I thought that's what I wanted. But then there's Liam... and I just don't fucking know anymore."
Emily nodded, her expression thoughtful. "I get it. It's hard when you're expected to be one thing, but your feelings are telling you something else. Have you talked to Julien about it?"
"Not really. I don't want to hurt the guy," I replied, feeling the weight of guilt settle in my stomach. "But it's like... I'm not sure I even know what I want anymore. Sometimes I wish I could just hit pause on everything."
As we entered the lecture hall, I scanned the room, my heart sinking a little at the sight of Liam sitting in the back, looking as broody as ever. He caught my eye and offered a slight nod, and my stomach flipped. I couldn't deny the connection we shared; it was electric, but it terrified me.
"What's with the look?" Emily asked, nudging me with her elbow. "You've got that dazed-and-confused look on your face again."
"I just... I don't know how to act around him anymore," I confessed, my voice barely above a whisper. "It feels different. Like, I can't tell if he hates me or still wants me or if it was just a stupid mistake."
Emily rolled her eyes, a playful smirk on her face. "Look, you need to figure out what you want. If you're still feeling something for Liam, you owe it to yourself to explore it. Don't just shove it down because of Julien."
"Easier said than done," I muttered, feeling the familiar tug of anxiety in my chest. "I don't want to hurt anyone. Julien has been there for me, but with Liam, it's like I can't breathe when I'm around him."
As we settled into our seats, I felt the weight of Emily's gaze on me. "You're not going to be happy if you ignore your feelings, Val. Trust me on this."
The lecture began, but I struggled to concentrate. My thoughts kept drifting back to Liam, and the more I tried to push him out of my mind, the more he consumed my thoughts. I was stuck between my past with Julien and this undeniable pull toward Liam, and it felt like I was about to implode.
As the professor droned on, I glanced over at Liam again, catching his eye. For a moment, it felt like the entire room faded away, and it was just the two of us, locked in an unspoken conversation that neither of us dared to finish. I could see the determination in his gaze, and a part of me wanted to break free of the shackles that held me down and explore whatever this was between us. But I couldn't just walk away from everything I had built with Julien. Could I?
The class ended, and as students began to filter out, I felt a wave of dread wash over me. I had a decision to make, and I wasn't sure I was ready for the consequences. I stood up, taking a deep breath, feeling the weight of uncertainty heavy on my shoulders. Today wasn't over, not by a long shot.
I needed to figure out my feelings—before it was too late.
