Valerie's POV
As I walked away from Liam's house, I felt a knot tighten in my stomach, twisting with each step. My mind was a mess, tangled up in thoughts I couldn't seem to unravel, and all I wanted was to shut everyone out. I needed a break from it all. From the guilt, from the pull toward Liam, and most of all, from Julien. He was the last person I wanted to face right now. I knew I'd let him down, even if he didn't know it yet. I knew that deep down, I was betraying him, stringing him along, even though I wasn't sure I wanted to be with him anymore. But that didn't erase the guilt, and it didn't change how much I felt I owed him.
The thought of breaking his heart made me feel sick. Julien didn't deserve this—didn't deserve me playing games with his feelings. He'd been cheated on before, and I'd seen what it did to him. He was shattered, carrying around the broken pieces of trust that never seemed to fully heal. He'd told me once that he didn't think he'd ever be able to give his heart to someone else, but he trusted me. I was supposed to be the person who'd finally prove him wrong, who'd show him that love wasn't just a setup for betrayal. And here I was, doing the exact thing he feared most.
People would talk if our engagement ended. They'd judge him, whisper about him, and he'd be labeled as the guy who got dumped in his twenties. He'd be the guy who "couldn't make it work," and he didn't deserve that label. I hated the idea of leaving him to face all of that alone, knowing I was the reason for it. He'd be left to pick up the pieces again, to rebuild his life with the weight of yet another failed relationship. And this time, it would be because of me. I'd be the one who let him down, who walked away and left him with nothing but more scars.
And yet, every time I thought about Liam, my chest tightened with a need I couldn't ignore. Being with him felt different, felt alive, like I was finally seeing colors I hadn't noticed before. Liam was the risk I wanted to take, the adventure I craved, even if it turned my life upside down. The attraction was undeniable, and whenever we were together, everything else faded away. It was intoxicating, consuming, and maybe even dangerous. But as much as I wanted him, the reality of what that would mean kept flashing through my mind. Could I really throw everything away for this? Could I be that selfish?
I stopped walking, looking up at the gray sky, feeling the chill in the air seep into my skin. I felt frozen, stuck between the past and whatever future lay ahead. I knew I couldn't keep running back and forth between them, pretending that I could somehow balance it all. I had to make a choice, even if it tore me apart. But I wasn't ready for that yet. I wasn't ready to face Julien, to look him in the eye and admit that I'd been lying to him, even if only by omission. I wasn't ready to admit that maybe, just maybe, I'd fallen out of love with him somewhere along the way.
I needed space, needed to figure out what the hell I wanted before I dragged anyone else down with me. So I decided right then and there that I was going to shut everyone out for a while. No more texts, no more calls. Just silence. I needed time to think, to sort through this mess I'd made without the weight of everyone else's expectations pressing down on me. I didn't know where it would lead, or if I'd be any closer to finding the answers I needed. But for now, I had to shut down, to disconnect, if only to give myself a fighting chance of making the right decision.
I wanted to believe that I could have it all—that I could somehow make things right without breaking anyone's heart, especially not Julien's. But the reality was staring me in the face, and I knew that something had to give. I couldn't keep pretending, couldn't keep holding onto a relationship that might already be dead, just because I didn't want to hurt him. I had to face the truth, even if it was brutal.
So, I took a deep breath and turned off my phone. For the first time in what felt like ages, I was going to give myself the space to think, to really figure out what I wanted. And maybe, just maybe, I'd find a way to move forward, even if it meant walking away from everything I'd ever known.
