THE LIGHT BEYOND LOSS

Daring Dearly

The bus ride back to GIA felt quieter than usual. Livia watched the trees blur past the window as the landscape transitioned from the familiar outskirts of her hometown, Åkerby, to the more modern and sleek look of the academy's surroundings. The weight of her recent visit to Viktor's family still clung to her, making her feel a mix of emotions she hadn't fully processed yet. Her mom's words replayed in her head on a loop—words meant to comfort her, to push her forward, to help her heal. But healing, she had learned, wasn't linear. It came in waves, often unpredictable, and sometimes, like now, it was more confusing than anything else.

Arriving at GIA, she stepped off the bus, her backpack slung over one shoulder, and took a deep breath of the crisp autumn air. The campus was bustling as students returned from their midterm breaks, exchanging stories and laughter. Livia felt a strange sense of disconnection from it all, like she was floating on the edges of everyone else's reality.

Her footsteps took her back to her dorm, where she unpacked slowly, mechanically. The usual spark of energy that she had started to feel before the break seemed dimmed. Still, she reminded herself of her mother's words and Viktor's constant presence in her heart. She wouldn't let the grief consume her—not anymore.

The next few days passed in a blur of classes, casual conversations with Emma, Isabelle, and Sophie, and occasional run-ins with Jonas. The rumors about her and Jonas had calmed down a bit, but there were still curious whispers every now and then. Livia found that she didn't care much anymore. In fact, she realized with some surprise that she was slowly getting used to life at GIA. There was a routine, a rhythm to her days, and while Viktor's absence would always be part of her, she was beginning to find her own path forward.

One morning, as she sat at her favorite spot by the auditorium—a small wooden bench under the large maple tree—Livia pulled out her notebook. The blank pages stared back at her, waiting for her to fill them with thoughts, ideas, stories—anything. She had been trying to write something for the contest she had planned to enter, but so far, her words felt stilted, disconnected. Every idea she had seemed to fizzle out before it could take form.

Today, however, was different. Today, she felt ready.

She placed her pen on the paper and let her thoughts flow.

"Sometimes, letting go isn't about forgetting. It's about finding the courage to carry the memory without letting it weigh you down. It's about holding onto the joy, the laughter, the love, while learning to breathe in the present. And maybe, just maybe, it's about allowing yourself to live again, even when the pieces of your heart still feel scattered."

As Livia wrote, she realized that the contest no longer felt like a chore or an obligation. It felt like something more personal, a way for her to express everything that had been swirling inside her since Viktor's passing. She wasn't sure what the final piece would look like, but for now, she just wanted to let the words come naturally.

When she finished her first draft, she closed the notebook and leaned back against the bench. The sky was a clear blue, the leaves of the maple tree rustling gently in the breeze. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting the tranquility of the moment wash over her.

That afternoon, after her last class, Livia bumped into Jonas near the cafeteria. He was carrying a soccer ball, and his usual easygoing grin spread across his face when he saw her.

"Hey, Liv," he greeted her, using the nickname he had started to call her. "Haven't seen you much lately. How was the break?"

Livia smiled, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. "It was... good. Needed. What about you?"

"Same," Jonas said, leaning casually against the wall. "We had some family stuff, but nothing too exciting. You look... I don't know, different. Good different."

Livia raised an eyebrow. "Good different?"

Jonas chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, like... brighter, somehow. I don't know. Maybe I'm just seeing things."

For a moment, Livia considered brushing it off with a joke or a casual comment, but instead, she found herself opening up a little. "I've been trying to... let go of some things," she said softly, surprising herself with her honesty. "It's hard, but I think I'm getting there."

Jonas looked at her, his usual playful expression replaced by something more serious, more understanding. "I get that," he said after a pause. "Letting go's not easy, but sometimes it's the only way to move forward."

Livia nodded, appreciating the simplicity of his words. They continued to chat for a while longer, the conversation light but genuine, before parting ways.

That evening, Livia found herself back in her room, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her asymmetrical haircut, which she had once thought looked messy, now seemed like a reflection of how she felt—imperfect, but in a way that was uniquely hers. She ran her fingers through her hair, thinking about how much had changed since she first arrived at GIA.

She wasn't the same Livia who had walked through the academy's doors months ago, carrying the heavy weight of grief and loneliness. She wasn't the same Livia who had struggled to find her place in this new world. Somehow, without even realizing it, she had started to grow—little by little, day by day.

The door to her room opened, and Emma popped her head in, a bright smile on her face. "Hey, we're going to the café to celebrate Isabelle's soccer win. Wanna come?"

Livia hesitated for a moment, then smiled. "Yeah, I'll come. Give me a minute."

As she grabbed her jacket and followed Emma out, she realized that her mother had been right. Viktor would always be a part of her, but that didn't mean she had to stop living her own life. In fact, living fully—laughing, making new friends, chasing her dreams—was the best way to honor him.

The café was lively, filled with students celebrating, laughing, and chatting. Livia sat with Emma, Sophie, and Isabelle, listening to their stories about the soccer match and laughing at Sophie's usual dramatic exaggerations. It felt good—normal, even—to be part of something, to share in these moments without the constant weight of sadness pressing down on her.

As the night wore on, Livia found herself thinking back to the conversation she had with Jonas earlier. Lighter, he had said. Maybe he was right. Maybe, after all this time, she was finally learning how to let go—not of Viktor, but of the pain that had kept her from moving forward.

The following week, the deadline for the writing contest loomed closer. Livia sat at her desk, her notebook open in front of her. She had spent hours working on her piece, refining it, shaping it into something that felt meaningful.

Her final lines echoed in her mind as she wrote them down.

"Sometimes, the hardest part of loving someone is learning how to keep them in your heart without letting them stop you from moving forward. But if you can find that balance—between holding on and letting go—then maybe, just maybe, you'll find peace in the memories, and strength in the love that remains."

She read over her words one last time before setting her pen down. It wasn't perfect, but it felt right. And for the first time in a long time, that was enough.

A few days later, Livia found herself back at her usual spot under the maple tree, watching the leaves dance in the breeze. The sky above was a brilliant blue, the air crisp and cool. She closed her eyes and smiled, feeling the warmth of the sun on her face.

She thought of Viktor—not with the overwhelming sadness that had once consumed her, but with a quiet, steady sense of love. He was still with her, in the memories they shared, in the dreams they had built together. And though the ache of missing him would never fully go away, she knew now that she could carry it with her—gently, without letting it weigh her down.

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"To let go is not to forget, but to release the weight of the past so that the heart can soar. In the space between holding on and moving forward, we find the strength to carry love with us, wherever life may lead."

-Hanuel!