Lovesick

I don't hate you

the next morning i sleep in, probably to late. i get up and go to the living room and chill there for a bit and get breakfast, everything's normal. until i remember once more, i shake the thoughts away to the back of my mind and sit back in the spare room to write again. i put on my favourite playlist to write, forgetting about her's, and i type away. every now and then i'd text her, but not as much as i hope. i want to say more but i can't, i need to keep writing, i want to finish my story. as the day passes, i don't move, just type. i've written around 8,457 words all up before i decide to take a break, it's already reached the afternoon so i head out to get some lunch and we go back to the doctors to get my heart monitor removed. when walking back to the car the marks from the heart monitors stickers kind of burned but i was to busy thinking about Callia. 'do i like her? if i care so much then i probably do.....but i've never really had many thoughts about this until she mentioned she liked me........should i tell Celia? no i have to keep the promise'

Once i return home again and i go back to the room i go back onto Spotify and play my playlist once more and continue to write, the day seems to pass by fast as i realise the rooms dark. i seem to still be thinking about what Callia said to me the night before, i stand up from the couch and make my way over to the window to shut the shutter and turn on the light before sitting back down. but as i do i hear my name being called from the kitchen "MAEVE! CELIA! DINNERS READY!" i hear my dad yell, i slowly make my way to the dinner table and eat. after dinner every goes back to doing their own things, my sister decides to have a shower first so i sit back in the spare room. after ten minutes i go and have my shower, a little less since my sister used a lot of hot water and it started getting cold. i get changed in a pair of my fluffy pj pants with a long sleeve with unicorns on it, one of my sisters hand me downs. its 9:46pm when i check the time again.

i return to Spotify mainly to check her playlist to see if any knew song's have been added. 

no new songs, but a new bio instead.

Now SHE KNOWS it's her cuz I told her but we still friends tho so l'm good (?) and it's ok

i read it a few times trying to get the words to sink into my brain. once i read between the lines of the new bio my thoughts start to attack me, 'no,no,no now she probably thinks i hate her! she's not good, she probably thinks i hate her now, i don't! how do i tell her take? i can't just text her and be like 'i don't hate you' she's probably going to be so confused or something. omg what do i do, i should have said something but i can't because i pinky promised. i have to tell her i don't hate her'. i sit there for a good 10 minutes deciding on what i should do and how i should tell her. 

i wait for a bit  before messaging Callia 'maybe she'll message me first? but she overthinks sometimes what if she thinks she's annoying me? she already thinks i hate her which i don't so why would she text me, i need to text her' 

'i don't hate you what would make you think i do?'

i decide to text her straight up, my heart races, my hands slightly shaking while i try to find the best way to say it without her thinking that i'm lying to her. i delete and re-type the same sentence 'just tell her! it's not like you do hate her, but then she'll know i've seen the playlist and has been listening to it. isn't that a good thing? omg whats wrong with me'. i finally send the message

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To: CALLIA 💗💗💗                                                                                                🎥 ⌽

sorry if you think i hate you i don't hate you or something cause of you liking me

 i don't i just like haven't been on messenger much heh

i don't have u btw i forgot to say that before

THANK GOD!

OK

TY FOR TELLING ME HOLY SH*T

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After i read her response i feel a wave of relive come over me but it only lasts a few seconds before my thoughts start to kick me once again. Reading her message i knew that she thought that i hated her and was stressing or getting worried because of the less amount of messages i sent her today. i was happy she knows i don't hate her, now she'll stop worrying and stop feeling sad. as i go back to my own thing on my computer, i start to re think about what i sent her. all i said was 'i don't hate you btw' i should have said something else. i start to regret just typing those 5 words, i should have explained it better because that just sounded like i was forcing myself to say that. 'i could have said i was writing my story and haven't been on messengers all day because i was stuck in it so sorry if it seemed like i was avoiding you cause i'm not, i could have at least said it in a better way instead. she was probably beating herself up for telling me she liked me that night i went home or today even. i should have said it sooner at least! why didn't i check the playlist earlier'

'i swear i don't hate you Callia......'