Connected Hearts (GxG×G×G)

Twenty-two

Content warning - mentions of self harm scars , and a panic attack. Skip if that discussion makes you uncomfortable ! i understand <3 stay safe. (This is a pretty fluffy chapter , you're welcome : ))

Twyla

After spending a good chunk of saturday morning outside , we made our way inside of the house. Currently , I'm laying in Bellamy's arms , my head resting on her shoulder as my legs are sat across hers.

We're watching The Arisitcats ! It's my favorite when I'm slipping , and Bellamy likes the movie just as much as me , so we thought it would be nice to watch it !

Although , I have to admit , I'm not paying it much attention. I'm more focused on Bellamy's hand moving further down my back and over my hip. I know she's not meaning to , but she's making me incredibly anxious.

I don't really have pants on right now. Well , I do , but they are the tiny little shorts I was given before with one of Carson's hoodies on top. I didn't want to ask for more last night because I was feeling bad , I could tell she was getting more and more anxious about June last night. So I just asked for a sweatshirt , and this is what she gave me.

But the problem comes when it doesn't look like I have any pants on with these damn shorts.

And as Bellamy's hand is making its way down towards my hip , I know that eventually , her eyes are going to land on what I'm currently looking at.

The mirage of scars lining my thighs and my hips. I don't want her to end up saying something , making some sort of comment , or asking what they are from and if I was the one that did it.

I don't really know what else to do. Carson and June are currently in Carson's room getting something , so I don't really have anyone to go to.

Speaking up is your only option. Just do it.

But I don't do that. Instead , deciding on placing my arm in a way that would hide the scars , it looked super suspicious.

And she noticed.

"What are you doing that for , angel ?" She leans closer into me , finally placing her hand directly over my hip. The back of her fingers made contact with the scared over skin , and her realizing..

"Oh.." She says quietly as she rubs my hip bone with her thumb.

Instantly , her reaction makes the tears form in my eyes. I knew this was way too perfect. This is going to end badly. Must leave.

At this point I'm well aware that I'm hysterically crying over what seems like nothing. But I honestly can't really think of anything other than the past bad things that have happened.

Fuck , fuck , fuck.

I can't really see anymore , my eyes are so filled with tears. My breathing is fast and it feels like someone is standing on my throat. I can feel and hear Bellamy talking to me , but none of it is registering in my mind.

It feels like I'm spinning out of control and my brain is a mess. I can't really breathe. It feels like it's stuck in my lungs and it's just being sucked from my being.

"Shhh baby... shhh." Is the only thing I can hear after a few minutes. And I notice that I'm being swayed back and forth.

Slowly , I'm able to recognize who is speaking to me at the moment. Carson. Mama..

She's swaying me softly and bouncing me. It's not too much , and it also makes the calm come back little by little.

"It's okay princess , shh..." She whispers in my ear and I hug my body apround her tighter.