Building My Life | (TaeKook)

Chapter: 20

I run.

I run as fast as I can to no specific destination. What's wrong with me? I was having a nice lunch with Jungkook, and now I'm escaping from him.

I come to a spot and stop myself as I can't run anymore. My legs can't anymore, and neither my hurt. I find a tree and sit under it, bringing my knees closer to me.

I let out a deep sob.

He finally confessed to me. Why did I react this way as if I wasn't expecting it? I knew damn well his feelings, and I didn't distance myself from him. I wonder why? It's not like I'm an extrovert who can't leave without talking to anybody. Why?

When he confessed, I just left him there. I know he's devastated and hates me. Honestly, I deserve it. I didn't have the decency to refuse him politely. I got a bunch of flashbacks of my past that I ran away.

My parents were so in love when they were married that I saw how that love faded. I saw my father losing all his colors. I saw my mother changing her colors. The once happy family that I had vanished into thin air, leaving me at the brink of breaking. When that love vanished, my mother started to dislike me to the point that she even hit me just to vent out her anger.

After that, I thought I could never fall in love until Nari entered my life. I felt so happy with her being by my side that I mistook her manipulation for love. In the end, I was the one who suffered. I was the topic of everyone's laughter. I was the one who lost all of his colors. I was the fool.

And now, when love is again at my doorstep, I shut it down brutally. Jungkook is a boy who deserves the best, and I am not the best. He's only going to ruin himself and make me feel guilty. I never intended it to happen or to lead him in the wrong direction, but I did.

I don't know what to do.

Crying for what feels like eternity, I decide to get up. My phone's buzzing, but I don't check it. I have a feeling that it's Jungkook, and I have no power to talk to him. I'm the wrong here.

I start to walk silently. Some passerby look at me, concerned as my cheeks are teary, and I feel very ashamed, but I don't do anything. The rain starts out of nowhere. It hardly rains in the month of May, but that's fine. At least, my tears are hidden.

I arrive at Yoongi hyung's house as he's the only one I can turn to for advice. I don't know if he's home, but nonetheless, I press the doorbell.

"Taehyung?" Jimin hyung opens the door.

"Is Yoongi hyung home?" I ask with a feeble voice.

"Yes. Come in." He steps aside, and I enter. He has had a worried face upon seeing me.

I stand in the doorway as I'm wet, and Jimin hyung tells me that he's getting me a towel. In the meantime, I take off my shoes.

"Here." He hands me the towel.

"Thanks."

"Tae, what happened?" Yoongi hyung comes from upstairs, looking shocked. In my darkest moments, he was there for me. I can't control myself and hug him quickly, weeping.

"What's wrong?" He holds me, rubbing my back. I let my emotions go out with my tears. It's getting difficult to breathe with these pain and low self-esteem. All I want is to sleep and never wake up in this world where I don't belong.

"It's okay. Calm down, I'm here, Taehyung," he keeps repeating, and I find myself calming myself a little. He helps me walk and sit on the couch.

I'm exhausted.

"Now, tell us what happened?" He asks, holding my hands on my lap as they're still shaking. Jimin hyung joins us and sits beside Yoongi hyung.

"We can't help you if you don't talk, Tae," Jimin hyung states, giving me a comforting smile. How'll he feel if he finds out what I did to his friend?

"Hyungs, promise me you two won't get mad at me," mumbling, I request.

"We promise," Yoongi hyung reassures.

"Jungkook told me that he loves me," I start. I recount them about today's event: how we were having lunch to the confessing point and how I ran away from here.

"I don't understand what Jungkook sees in me to fall for me," I sniffle.

"You ran away? Just like this?" Jimin hyung asks, weirded out.

"I know it's not the smartest move, but my brain was numb that time."

"Taehyung, let me ask you this, you don't have feelings for Jungkook?" Yoongi hyung shocks me a bit.

"No," I breathe, "I don't know." I'm confused myself. I never imagined Jungkook in any intimate way.

"How...?" He seems to ask himself. "I thought you liked Jungkook too."

"Yeah, and you two are so close to each other that it was impossible to believe that you don't have something between you two," Jimin hyung adds.

For this, I'm guilty, too.

"Taehyung-ah, look at me." I look at Yoongi hyung. "Are you sure that you don't have feelings for him? You don't like him?"

"I don't know, hyung," I answer after sobbing.

"You know, when Jungkook said he was going to propose you, I thought you felt the same," he reveals. I knit my eyebrows.

"He told you?"

"Yes. He asked my permission two days before. Moreover, when we had dinner at our place two weeks ago, he told me about his feelings and said that you may also felt the same. I saw how happy you were with him that when he asked for permission as an elder brother, I said yes."

More tears come out from my eyes as I'm lost of words. I don't know what to feel about him. A thoughtful man like him can never be with someone like me. And this is the only thing I'm sure of.

"Hyung, why? Why did you say yes?" I mutter.

"Tae, I thought -

"You were gonna ruin his life," I break down again. "Can't you see he deserves more than me."

He pulls me in his chest so that I can cry some more. I see I still have tears left. How long has it been since I last cried for me to have this much tears.

"I'm broken, worthless. He can't be with someone like me," I ridicule myself more, knowing my truth.

"No, Tae. It's not the truth. You're more than that," Jimin hyung tries to console me, patting my head. "You just had a bad past, but that doesn't define who you really are."

"Yes, Taehyung. All you need is therapy. You don't need to worry about money. Hyung'll take care of it."

I can't stop weeping.

--

Hope you enjoyed the chapter 💕 😊

Do share your thoughts on the chapter

XOXO