Building My Life | (TaeKook)

Chapter: 21

Today is my last session with my therapist. I've been seeing this therapist for six weeks now, and this is - I think - the most traumatizing six weeks of my life. Of course, I've had bad days before, but in these six weeks, I had to recall everything that occurred to me. From my father's death to my mother's new marriage, how my step-family mistreated me and made me feel worthless. I narrated my relationship with Nari to our breakup. Furthermore, I added all the distress they caused throughout this year.

My therapist explained my situation with my mom. Certainly, he said that he didn't know my mother at all, so he explained based on his experiences and my narration. He said that sometimes, parents change after marriage because they want to forget about their past. Since I told him how my parents' marriage had been rocky before he passed away, he deducted that I may be causing some triggering events.

He further assured that it wasn't my fault, nor do I deserve any of the ill treatment I received as I was innocent completely. Some people's nature are just like this: they search for an easy way to get rid of their past, and often time, they end up hurting their own people. He added that my mother is the culprit here as she not only physically abused me but ruined me psychologically too. To start a new life, she forgot her own son, and nothing can justify this.

Speaking of my step-family, he explained that people are naturally sadist. Some are more than others. When they saw my mother behaving ill towards me, that satisfied them because those who are a bully like to pick on people below them just to feel superior. But in that process, they reveal what kind of monsters they are. Some people grow out of that bully phase, but some people are too sadist to stop themselves.

Overall, this therapy with Dr. Seo has been a lot more helpful than I imagined. He made me understand the family dynamic, but the most important thing is that he has made me believe in myself a little more than before. He's praised me every time I've been able to dig deeper in my memories to tell him everything. He told me how brave I was to face everything alone and still stayed strong. I was never praised by any outsider before.

It hit hurt when I realized that. After my mother's marriage, no outsider ever complimented me because I was rarely allowed to go out, and in school, I was the weird kids.

Last but not least, I wanted to talk about Jeon Jungkook. Today, as I sit on my last session with him, I initiate the conversation talking about my day. I expressed gratitude as I've been feeling a lot better than before. Then, I start to talk about Jungkook because I want to understand my feelings for him. I unfold my history with him: how I met him, our times spent together, how he defended me every time, how he comforted me every time, and how he confessed, and I ran away. I feel awful whenever I think of that day.

"It's been one and a half months, still I haven't spoken to him," I confess to him.

"Do you want to talk to him?" He asks.

"I do, but I'm still confused. I don't understand why I'm so attracted to him. I just had a messy break up," I reveal my fright.

"I think I can answer you, Mr. Kim. See, you've been through a lot, no doubt, so naturally, your subconscious mind is searching for that affection that you lost. It's searching for a reliable place where it feels at ease. Your step-brother have helped you a lot, but you acknowledge his struggles too for which you don't want to trouble him much. Talking about why you're so drawn to him is because he somehow is able to complete you."

"What do you mean?"

"You described Jungkook as a caring person who always makes you happy, right? In a family, the most caring person is your mother, who leaves everything behind whenever you feel discomfort. A mother is the most affectionate one who tries to do everything to make the children happy."

"You also described Jungkook as someone who's very protective of you. In a family, the most protective person is your father. A father is someone who stays as a shield whenever the family is in danger. A father does everything to make sure the children are secured with them, and they're not afraid to face any danger before them."

I'm heedful of his words. Everything fits like a puzzle. Jungkook is caring and affection, always ready to do what makes me happy. At the same time, he always protected me whenever my step-family tried to hurt me.

"In a nutshell, he completes you the way you don't understand. Your subconscious is attracted to him because he gave you what you lost. Still, if you have any more thinking to do, do it. Rushing is never a good choice."

"Thank you."

"It's my job," he smiles. "Well, today is our last session, but if you need me again, I'm here for you."

I get up from the chair and bow down to show my gratitude. After wishing me good luck with life, we depart from each other. I'm more than thankful to him. He understood me in a way no one could and showed me a different version of myself. Now, I'm ready to confront the reality.

I need to talk to Jungkook. I've understood my side, I need to understand why he was like this to me. We've known for a year now, but he was like that from the start. What made him like this? We didn't even know each other.

My hand shakes a little as I call him. I inhale and exhale to calm myself down.

"Hello." A shiver runs down my spine upon, and what Dr. Seo said, resurfaced my brain.

"J-Jungkook," I mumble, hoping he hear me.

"Taehyung." His voice is lower than before.

"Hi," I clear my voice. "How are you?"

"I'm good. You?"

"Me too. Are you free tomorrow by any chance?" Hesitant, I ask.

"I'll be free by the evening time. Why?"

"I wanted to meet you," I reveal. My heart keeps shaking like crazy.

"Okay," he answers after a small pause.

"Then at my apartment?"

"Okay."

"Fine. See you tomorrow. Bye."

"Bye."

--

Hope you enjoyed the chapter 💕 😊

I'm no psychologist, so if anything said in the therapy is nonsense, then I'm sorry. I was trying to explain the mental state of my characters.

Do let me know what you think of this chapter.

See you later 😘

💋