Diary of a Kpop idol

Chapter 20 (2021)

January 01 - December 31

It was a pivotal year in my career, marked by both triumph and tragedy. After rising to stardom I was expanding my career internationally, especially in acting. I had shootings in both China and Korea. We also had a group comeback in March. Our group is considered a senior group by netizens because of our professionalism, even though the average of our group was 17.7 at the start of the year. We 7 members were focused on different paths to make the group's fame rise.

Yuji is a great producer, and Somi is also the same. They both have their solos and they are great rappers. Hani is a great choreographer, and also the three of them have started participating in shows as mentors. Lily is an MC, and she also participates in ballet shows. Chayeon is a voice actor and also a video gamer. Haeven has her own variety show where she interviews and has fun with other idols.

I had already made a name for myself in both Korean and Chinese cinema, and maybe because of that soon it caught the attention of Hollywood. Early in the year, I was invited to the United States for a potential role in a major Hollywood production, a dream for many, and a significant step in my already impressive career.

However, this moment of opportunity quickly turned into one of the darkest periods of my life. During my time in the U.S., where I went to sign the contract, I was involved in a devastating hit-and-run accident while traveling with my driver, assistant: Jiae, and bodyguard: Leo. The accident not only left me physically injured but also resulted in the tragic death of my driver and assistant. My bodyguard, who had been with me for years, suffered life-altering injuries that left his legs paralyzed. I don't have that much attachment to the driver but to the assistant who was with me since I was an OnA member and the bodyguard Leo, who protected me in my overseas promotions.

For me, the physical injuries were significant; I had to use a wheelchair for a week and required crutches for more than a week. Yet, the emotional toll of losing close members of my crew and witnessing the permanent damage to my bodyguard was far worse. If it was Hyunwoo, Aaron, it would have left me even worse.

The public was heartbroken when the news broke, with fans from around the world flooding social media with messages of support and sorrow for my loss. Despite the outpouring of sympathy, I was deeply affected. The trauma of the accident, combined with the deaths of my team members, led me into a period of deep emotional distress.

My fans, family, friends, and members, however, were determined to support me through this dark period. As I rested and began to heal physically, fans from different fandoms kept the hashtag “#StayStrongYeim” trending for days, offering words of encouragement and empathy. The accident had sent ripples through the fan community and the entertainment industry, with many expressing grief over the lives lost and sympathy for me, who faced the double burden of physical and emotional recovery.

My grandparents were furious when they got to know it was not an accident but a man-made one. I could still remember the details of the accident well. The truck came and crashed the car, and if not for Leo covering me, my injuries would have been far worse. Leo covered me when the man who hit the car came to look inside the car. Leo was tightly gripping my mouth and shushing me with his left energy. It was so bloody that I had blood on my clothes and everywhere. I thought that person would call an ambulance but he gave a call and told "Its done, no one alive" said and went away. It really shoked me at that time. After making sure he is away I make a call to Aaron afarid of everything. I can rember Leo opening the door with difficulty and drag himself and me out from the car. His one of leg was badly injured before I remember my consciousness was only half awake. I remember someone coming and picking me up.

That's why my parents and company both gave a huge sum of compensation to Leo. As Aaron said the car exploded.

After the accident, my recovery was not only a matter of healing physically but also navigating the emotional and psychological toll the tragedy had taken on me. I refused to do anything for weeks. If not for everyone's encouragement, maybe I would have committed suicide because even though the people who blamed me in this matter can be counted on the fingers in their hands, they still say many nasty things like I should have died together and ask if I don't feel guilty towards them.

For the first two weeks, I relied on a wheelchair due to my injuries, followed by another week of crutches. Although my body started to heal, the pain of losing my driver and assistant weighed heavily on my mind. For two months, I stepped away from public appearances, focusing on resting and coming to terms with what had happened.

During this time, I faced bouts of depression. My bodyguard’s permanent disability added another layer of guilt and sadness. The accident wasn’t just a moment of physical harm—it had reshaped my world, and I struggled to adjust to the new reality.

My members, family, and friends will accompany me during this time. They took a break from their work to accompany me, which I was very grateful for.

Not only them but my fans remained a constant source of support. Online, fans continued to rally around me, flooding social media with messages of hope, reminding me that I was not alone in my grief. This overwhelming support gave me strength, even as I faced waves of emotional turmoil. Knowing that my fans were waiting for me, rooting for my recovery, became a source of motivation for me to push through the darkness.

Throughout this period, I did not shy away from acknowledging my emotional pain. In a social media post during my recovery, I shared a heartfelt message about all things, saying, “This has been the hardest moment of my life. I have lost people who were like family to me, and I need time to heal. But knowing you are all with me, I’ll find the strength to move forward.”

Though my recovery was slow, both physically and mentally, I was determined not to let the tragedy define the rest of my year. I leaned on close friends, family, and my members for support. In addition, my agency arranged professional counseling to help me cope with my depression and trauma. Bit by bit, I began to regain my emotional balance, thanks to the combination of professional help and the love of my fans.

I decided to slowly reintegrate into my group’s activities. Although still fragile, I was determined not to be fragile. Doing more stretching and exercises and yoga so I will not have any side effects from the accident.

After two months of recovery, I returned to work, participating in some of the group’s promotional activities. All the fans were overjoyed to see me back, My return to the public eye wasn’t just a professional obligation—it was also a symbol of my resilience, a testament to my determination not to let tragedy halt my journey and to let haters get disappointed my return and specially for the ones who caused the accident.

The first sign of return was joining my group for an online fan meeting, a relatively low-pressure event that allowed me to reconnect with fans from around the world without the stress of traveling or large crowds. During the meeting, I expressed my gratitude to the fans who had supported me during my difficult time. It was a moment of mutual support: fans had been there for me during my recovery, and now, my return offered them a sense of hope and joy.

OST had planned a group comeback for later in the year, and although I wasn’t fully recovered, I insisted on being part of it. The group released a new single, and I participated in the promotional activities, not the performance on stage because I was spirited to perform on stage in a more limited capacity than before. My agency and fellow members were understanding of my situation, adjusting the schedule and choreography to accommodate me. Despite these adjustments, my fans were thrilled to see me, even if I wasn’t yet my usual energetic self. The comeback was a success, with many praising my bravery for rejoining the group so soon after my accident.

During this period, the other members of OST were also focusing on their solo activities, giving me the space I needed to work at my own pace. While my participation was more limited, I remained an essential part of the group’s identity. The comeback was a turning point, showing that despite the hardships of the year, OST remained strong, and my presence in the group symbolized a return to normalcy.

As I continued to work with my group, I slowly started to rebuild my confidence. The group’s online concert and fan meetings were important milestones, not just professionally, but emotionally as well. These events allowed me to reconnect with my audience in a controlled, supportive environment. Though I wasn’t fully healed, the joy I felt in returning to my group gave me a renewed sense of purpose.

Around August, my grandparents knew about the criminal and had already taken action for it, and I was determined to get together and thrive better. My grandmother's words were like, "Do they think we are Herbivores?"

After confirming who was the one who caused the accident, I got on track with my drama and movie shootings, which were on hold for 3 months.