Bubble Gum Kisses

Kapittel 24.3

Kapittel 24.3

Vanessa

"Excuse? Yeah, right. Do you have an excuse when you left the boys' bathroom with Blake da Silva, all red and sweaty? I saw that one as clear as day too!" He replied, scoffing loudly. "Do you have any idea what people were talking about when they saw two walking out high as a kite? Everybody's thinking you guys had sex!"

"Those were rumors and I was just trying things out! I was upset, he found me and offered stuff to lift my spirits. I didn't know it was drugs and I was too sad to care. Guess whose fault was that? I was sad because you were so cold to me when I tried to talk to you! Even when you were at fault! Why would you believe the rumors about us having sex anyway?!" I replied with a raised voice, my lips shaking from all the words I have released in one instant. My chest was pounding furiously as if my heart wanted to get out of it.

"Blake himself also bragged about you two getting freaky!" he replied. God, I could feel that he wanted to point a finger at me.

"And you believed him?!" I knew that we broke up a long time ago, but the thought that he believed another guy over me stings. I was wrong about the old scars healing and reopening all fresh. They never healed in the first place, I was only deluding myself that they've healed.

"What else? Who knows if you'd lie if I asked you!" he snapped back, now his gaze changed into a heated glaring. It pierced all over my entire being. His words, along with that burning gaze hurt me even more. Did this guy even love me?

I huffed a breath. My face was heating and my head slightly spin. I felt like hyperventilating. How did I get here? Why are we having this conversation? Why are we going down the thorny lane when we were starting to get along? Or was I the only one who thought that we took a step about getting along?

He keeps on pursuing me. But for what reason exactly? A payback because I left without saying anything? For not working on us when we were having a fallout? But I did approach him, and what did he do? He shooed me away in front of his friends! Or was he still not over when I ignored him when he tried to explain himself? Did it hurt his pride that much?

"Wow, so your girlfriend was Blake and not me then? You seemed to believe him and those exaggerated rumors more than you'll believe me!" I let the pain out in one breath. It hurts. It hurts so much, knowing the guy who you believe to love you doesn't believe you. "Did you even love me Friso?" I croaked, my throat dry and my eyes threatening to release the long-restrained tears. My gaze at him was pleading, begging for an answer.

His gaze changed as if he snapped from something, the heat of his gaze expunged.

He was about to open his mouth, but I spoke first. "Did you really believe them that much more than you believe me or did you believe the twisted image of me inside your head more? Because I don't see any other reason why you wouldn't trust me."

"And just so you know, I wasn't having sex with other guys when we were dating. Even when we were falling out. I could never do that to you. Yes, maybe I thought about it to get back to you. But it disgusted me, I couldn't afford to hurt you. I was saving myself for you! I was all yours!" That was the last straw. A tear left my eye and was followed by another and another.

To be honest, it felt better when I saw him all gloomy like a lost puppy when guilt-ridden. But now, I felt much worse now that I have unloaded my baggages with him.

"That's... how much I loved you." God, here I was, overexplaining myself. I wasn't a sinner who had to explain the reason behind committing such a sin, but I felt like one. I felt dirty and had the strong urge to scrub myself raw until all dirt was voided, although I wasn't.