Bubble Gum Kisses

Kapittel 24.1

Kapittel 24.1

Vanessa

"Vanessa."

Dad?

Here I was again, lying on the cold, asphalt road as the roaring rain poured. I hopelessly stared at the melancholic, heavily laden horizon. The salty raindrops danced on my tongue, initiating a tango with the metallic taste of blood. I needn't scrutinize further to see where I was. I knew this place all too well. For the nth time, I was in the very place I never wanted to be in.

This place had always haunted me. It was a constant reminder of my sin. Every piece of what happened that day never escaped my memory. Just a small reminder of this place was enough to make me want to rip my heart out and render myself lifeless.

I knew something was wrong these past few days. I had been having peaceful, dreamless sleeps these past few days. I had been feeling unusually okay, too. I was relieved at first, thinking I was getting better again. But there was this irrevocable anxiety within me whispering into my ears that it was the calm before the storm.

I didn't expect that this could be the storm.

"Vanessa..." my spine shuddered upon hearing his voice. It was lonely and frigid. I closed my eyes shut. I prayed. I prayed. I prayed that everything would turn black and for my sleep to go back to being dreamless. I knew it was selfish, knowing the weight of my sin. But wouldn't the heavens be merciful enough to grant me just one peaceful sleep? Or maybe I was just too comfortable with the luxury of it that I wanted more. It was cruel. It was too cruel to give me such a sweet thing and then just take it away.

"Vanessa..." his voice called once again, but I kept my eyes closed.

I didn't want to turn my head. I didn't want to see him that way again. I'd rather kill myself over and over. I could never escape this downward spiral. All the hopes I'd built were nothing but sandcastles that only ended up getting taken down by a tide.

"Vanessa, my love," Dad, please stop. It hurts so much.

I gasped when a warm palm stroked my forehead, surprising me. The warmth was comforting, it felt good. Good enough that it swept away my fears little by little as it continued to stroke from my forehead down to my head. Unafraid, I slowly opened my eyes.

There he was, illuminated by the light shining upon him. I was awe-stricken. I always saw him beside me, bloody and injured whenever I closed my eyes and sleep pulled me under. He was dead in my nightmares, a corpse chanting my name like a curse. But in this dream, he looked so much... alive. He was now sitting with his legs crossed while my head was resting on his lap. The wind blew past us, and Dad's soft and pepper hair was brushed on his face. He chuckled, his hair always tickled him. Meanwhile, the swaying grasses were tickling my back.

"Hey, sport," he greeted me with the same old, tender smile that never failed to make me feel that I was loved.

I couldn't help but release all the bottled emotions into a cry. "Daddy," I replied with a cracked voice. The fear, the anxiety, the heavy guilt. All the emotions that made a turmoil in my bursting chest were all released into one, gut-wrenching cry.

He reached out his fingers to my face and wiped my hot tears, his smile that made my chest lurch remained.

"Daddy, I–" I wanted to tell him how regretful I was. I wanted to tell him all the things I've left unsaid.

"Say no more, I know" he shushed me. His voice was softer than a whisper. I felt my eyes welled up again. "Look," he said, looking forward. I followed his gaze and saw the breathtaking view of the golden sunset over the orange sea. It was beautiful. It was serene.