Bubble Gum Kisses

Kapittel 1

Kapittel 1

Vanessa

Life had been dull ever since dad died. Aside from my mom and my younger brother, Zach, he was one of the people who was dearest to me. He deserved to live longer than he should have. He was the kind of man that any person would love to become a friend, a man who could make himself a light to a person's dark life. He had this big, fat belly, fine stubbles, and smiling face as strengths that made him a magnet of approach. I remember one time children mistook him for Santa Claus, which he took as a compliment and made him laugh warmly. Since I was young, I admired him deeply for his habit of helping out the unfortunate. He always had a soft spot for anyone who needed help. I'd love to think of him as a lovely, ginormous gift from God Himself. Even though he did lack in some places, he had the kind heart that everyone should have possessed. He was a person of humility. He was a loving husband to his wife, and he was a loving father to his children. He was full of love and life, and now... he was dead. He was no longer living anymore. He was no longer breathing... because of me.

I could still remember that day, the day he died. I was there, I was fucking there, I was with him that day. Every detail of that day haunted me every second of each day, starting from the moment I woke up until I closed my eyes to sleep. Every part of that traumatizing day killed every inch of me. It was like an unending cycle of torturous death. It was pure torture of full guilt, of crippling pain. I feel it in every bit of it in the very cells of my body, and I fucking deserve it because I let him die. Fate was too greedy and didn't even give me a slight chance to save him.

I dropped my head to my knees, succumbing into a fetal position as that haunting memory of that nightmarish day flashed in my mind like it was yesterday. The dirty smell of the wet road, thick blood streaming heavily along with the pouring rain. The pain I felt in every part of my body as I cried for help was excruciating. What everything unforgettable was I was forced to stare at my dad's pale, dead face with his eyes open wide, blood continuously seeping out from his lips.

"Vannie, sweetheart? Where are y—oh, there you are."

I was taken aback by my painful reminiscing when I heard a familiar voice and a series of profound clicking of shoes getting louder as if someone were coming towards my spot. Lazily, I lifted my head and saw my very own mother giving me a smile that didn't reach her eyes. She looked stunning in her dark blue cardigan, white shirt, and leggings matched with a pair of doll shoes possessing the same color as her cardigan. She looked sophisticated with her ponytail and younger with her makeup that concealed her wrinkles and the dark red puffs below her semi-wet eyes. I could tell that she had been crying all night long, and she was trying to look okay so I wouldn't feel worse from what happened.

Even though my muscles felt heavy and hurt like a million bucks, I managed to give off a small smile. "Hey, mom," I greeted her with my voice faint and hoarse. I've exhausted my pharynx by tirelessly shouting dad's name during his funeral. I ignored the awful feeling of bile crawling up to my throat.

I was confounded when mom sat on the side of my bed and leaned towards me, and reached out a hand, wiping a thumb on my cheek. That was when I noticed a tear came rolling down my cheek. I automatically staggered back and wiped my cheeks with a small sniff.

"Oh, sweetheart..." she gasped. "I know, it's hard thinking that dad's already gone," she said, the octave of her voice getting softer and thicker at every word that escaped her chapped lips. "But, Vannie, we need to move on."

My heart clenched painfully when I heard her say those words in a thick voice. I know that she was trying to be strong for us even though she was at her weakest state right now, and I admire her so much for that. Among the three of us left in this family, mom was the one most affected by dad's death. I've witnessed her crying nonstop since she heard about his death. She hadn't had a decent meal and sleep in days since then. She would space out sometimes as well.