Tie My Heartstring's ❦

sofia

Katie

I sat across from Sofia, our coffee cups barely touched, but my mind was racing. The late afternoon sun poured through the window, casting warm light over our chaotic brainstorming session.

Ideas were bouncing back and forth, and with each one, my heart raced a little faster. This plan could either make or break our chances with Hudson. The thought of setting up the night together excited me. I could picture it—a stylish setup in Sofia's living room, artwork hanging on the walls. But beneath the excitement lurked a hint of anxiety.

What if Hudson was too clever? What if he figured out our plan before we could gather any evidence? I ran my hand through my hair. "Sorry if this is weird you know, but you remind me so much of her. Maggie that is." Her eyes welled up.  Her compliment meant well, but still made me feel a bit uneasy. Had he gone for me, because I reminded him of Maggie? No...

"Um, thank you. I bet she was lovely." I shifted uncomfortably. "You know I wouldn't have the guts to do this if you hadn't showed up. I'm happy you found me." I added. Sofia's cheeks flushed slightly, and I could tell she appreciated the compliment. The atmosphere shifted, becoming charged with an unspoken understanding. "Alright, back to Hudson. What do we want to text him?"

I leaned forward, the excitement building again but then fading into something else. I still felt something for Hudson, I couldn't just magically turn it off. It was confusing, and I've tried to run away from it. Our relationship was a headache filled with highs and lows. But now thinking of seeing him again, made me overthink everything. I felt regret, pain, and sadness.

Could I really face Hudson again? The thought leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, but I dismiss it and try to keep my mind as numb and as blank as possible. I can't think about him. I don't want to start crying again.

I sit and stare blankly at the floor. I am numb. I feel nothing but the pain. How long must I endure this? Can I see him again? Could I bear it? Do I want to see him?

I close my eyes and tilt my head back as grief and longing lance through me. Of course I do. Perhaps, I have changed my mind... No, no, no. I cannot be with someone who takes pleasure in inflicting pain on me, someone who hurts me.

Torturous memories flash through my mind—sweet talking, holding hands, kissing, the sex, his roughness, his humor, and his dark stare. I miss him. No I don't miss him. It's been a few days of agony that has felt like an eternity. I wrap my arms around my body, hugging myself tightly, holding myself together. I miss him. I really miss him... I don't miss him. It's not that simple.

I cry myself to sleep at night, wishing I hadn't walked out, wishing that he could be different, wishing that we were together. How long will this hideous overwhelming feeling last? I am in purgatory. Deep down the masochist in me wants to see Hudson. Taking a deep breath, I brush it off as we shift back to our plan.

"Okay, so if we're getting him to Florida, we need a reason that makes sense," she said, looking up at me. I nodded, running my fingers through my hair as I stood up, and paced the small space. "Right. We need something compelling enough to lure him away from New York, but it can't seem too staged. He's smart. He will catch on if it feels off."

Sofia's eyes sparkled with determination. "What if we tell him you needed space, but you can't take it anymore. You miss him so much, and need him here."

"That's a good idea," I said, my mind racing. "What if he insists I come to him?" Sofia pulled out her laptop and started typing furiously. "Tell him you love it here, and New York holds too many bad memories." I leaned over her shoulder, watching the screen as she scrolled through camera websites. After a moment, she grinned. "I can buy this and hide it in here."