glassheart <3

regret

chloe's pov:
i wake up before my alarm. that was the worst sleep i have had in such a long time. i force myself to sit up, and immediately look over to red, who is still sleeping. i can't help but feel so guilty. my mind fogs with everything that happened yesterday. i feel like i lived a million lives. i sit with my knees to my chin as i watch her sleep. i have always loved watching her sleep. something about how she is always so fiery, but when she is asleep, she has to let her guard down. and i love when she lets her guard down. i watch red as she tosses and turns, and eventually letting out a groan; which she does every time as she wakes up. i quickly lay myself back down and pull out my phone to look busy, in attempt to not let red notice that i was watching her sleep. i scroll until i feel a set of eyes on me. i lift my head up from my phone, to see red staring at me from her bed on the other side of the room with a sad-almost-mad-almost-confused look. she immediately looks away, almost pretending she wasn't looking at me in the first place. i slowly sit myself up on my bed and fidget with my hands. we sit in awkward silence, waiting for the other to break the ice.

"how are you feeling?" i eventually ask red gently. "are you referring to me being drunk last night or you breaking up with me?" red quickly responds in a whisper. "i didn't break up with you, we weren't even official, so technically i- this is besides the point... i was talking about you being drunk, red" i blurt out in defence. both red and i look everywhere around the room but at eachother.
"i feel fine"
"..are you sure?"
red nods.
"where did you even go?"
"why does that matter?"
"because you were gone for hours in the middle of the night and came back completely drunk. i was really worried, red"
"if you must know, i was in the forest" red admits as i see unshed tears begin to well in her eyes
"the forest? what-why were you there?"
"don't worry about it"
"red please, you know you can talk to me. i-i know you're upset because of me but-but i am too. this is only gonna be so much harder if you ice me out. please talk to me red"
"i said don't worry about it"
"red please-"
"-I SAID DONT WORRY ABOUT IT"
silence.
i feel a shiver run down my spine and my heart drop. did red really just yell at me again? i finally bring myself to look to red. she looks terrified. terrified of herself. but i can guarantee she is not as terrified as i am.
"red don't ever speak to me like that again" i tell her off angrily yet still softly, as i throw myself out of bed and storm out of the dorm.

as i walk down the hallway my mind cannot shut off. i can't believe red just yelled at me again. i know she doesn't mean to. i really do know she would never want to hurt me or scare me. but that doesn't mean that she didn't. i know that she is hurting. but can't she see that i am too? i break down in tears as i run outside to the courtyard. i throw myself onto the ground, closing my eyes as i let the sun beam into my skin and the grass tickle my skin. i stay like this. for just a second, everything feels like it might be okay. i feel my body start to calm down, my mind however, not. suddenly i feel a presence hovering over me. "what are you doing chloe?" tiah says while laughing at me. she looks me up and down with nothing but a confused look on her face. which is fair enough. i am still in my pajamas, no makeup, hair isn't done, and i'm sunbathing in the courtyard. tiah sits down next to me as i stay frozen on the ground. "i'm just taking a moment" i tell her, closing my eyes again. "are you okay?" she asks me in a teasing yet genuine voice. i take a breath and force myself to sit up. "i cut things off with red. well, i told her we should slow things way down. but now we just aren't anything" i admit, trying to hold myself together. "oh chloe i am so sorry" tiah comforts me, placing her hand on my shoulders.
"it's okay. i'll be fine. we'll be fine."
"was she upset?"
"um. yeah. i guess. honestly 'upset' isn't the right word"
"what do you mean?"
"id probably use 'devastated'. 'heartbroken'. let's just say she didn't take it too well. and honestly i didn't handle it too well either" i wipe away a tear that managed to escape
"chloe i am so sorry. i hope you didn't do it just because what i told you about my boyfriend and i"
"no no, no i didn't. i mean it definitely was a push. but it was a push i needed. i think"
"you think?"
"i dunno. i dunno if it was the right decision. i-i love her. i always will"
tiah and i continue to talk about the situation. and honestly it feels really
lovely to have someone to talk to about it.
"thanks for this tiah. i really appreciate it"
"of course. it's what friends do"
we share a smile. i have a friend!!