My little brother.... and me....

Roasts of the Damned

It's only halfway through the morning when I realize I've made a critical mistake.

I should've escorted Tsuki out of the building immediately.

But no. I thought I could manage him. I thought, How bad can one little kid be today....?

Spoiler: Very bad.

Tsuki stands at the front of the room, arms folded behind his back, casually rocking on his heels while Class 1-A watches him with curiosity—and just the tiniest hint of fear.

He's grinning. That smug, evil grin that I know too well. The grin that says: I know something you don't, and I'm going to ruin your day with it.

Before I can stop him, Tsuki claps his hands together with an air of mock politeness.

"So, I've been thinking," he says. "Since I'm here, I might as well share some truths with all of you."

Kaminari perks up immediately. "Truths? I like truths."

Tsuki smiles—and it's terrifying. "Oh, I bet you do, Lightning Rod."

The room goes deadly silent.

"Let's start with you, Kaminari," Tsuki begins, looking the poor boy right in the eye. "How does it feel knowing your IQ drops every time you use your quirk? Like, what's it like knowing you can be taken out by simple math?"

Boom.

Kaminari stares at him, wide-eyed and speechless. "I—wait—"

"Don't think too hard," Tsuki says with a smirk. "It'll hurt."

Tsuki turns to Mina next, eyes gleaming with pure mischief. "And Mina! I bet you think of yourself as the life of the party."

She grins proudly. "Obviously!"

"Yeah," Tsuki says, cocking his head. "The annoying part of the party no one remembers inviting."

Mina's jaw drops. "What the heck, kid!?"

"Don't worry," Tsuki adds with a grin. "At least you'll always have that going for you."

He shifts to Iida, who adjusts his glasses nervously. "And you, Mr. Engine-Legs," Tsuki says, pretending to look thoughtful. "If you get any more uptight, you'll need a full-body oil change."

Iida looks like he's about to short-circuit.

Then, Tsuki's gaze lands on Bakugo, and the whole class holds its breath. This is it. This is where the kid dies.

"And you," Tsuki says slowly, locking eyes with the human grenade. "You know... for someone called 'Katsuki,' you sure do suck at making friends."

Bakugo's hands spark menacingly, but Tsuki isn't done. "Seriously, you yell at people so much, I'm surprised your vocal cords haven't filed for workers' comp."

The room erupts with stifled laughter, and Bakugo—fuming—just stands there, stunned into silence.

Tsuki grins wider as he turns to Todoroki. "And you, Mr. Half-and-Half."

Todoroki's neutral expression flickers for a second.

"Do you, like... ever smile? Or do you think being emo is a personality?"

Kaminari wheezes. "Oh my god—"

Tsuki keeps going. "I mean, come on. You've got fire and ice powers, and you're still cold emotionally? That's just lazy, man."

Todoroki blinks. "...Fair."

Before I can stop him, Tsuki swivels toward Aizawa, grinning like a child on Christmas.

"And Mr. Sleepy Man!"

Aizawa stares at him, looking about one second away from disowning the entire class.

"Question," Tsuki says with mock sincerity. "Do you even like your job, or do you just show up because you forgot to quit?"

Dead silence.

Aizawa stares at him. Tsuki stares back, fearless. Somewhere in the background, Dark Shadow is wheezing with laughter.

But Tsuki isn't done. Oh no. He turns to All Might—freaking All Might, who just happens to be observing today's class.

"And last but not least... All Might."

The room collectively gasps.

All Might tilts his head curiously. "Yes, young man?"

Tsuki smiles sweetly. "How's retirement going? Must be real tough sitting on your butt all day while everyone else fights villains."

All Might blinks, taken aback.

"I mean," Tsuki adds with faux concern, "Do you need a cushion for that fragile ego of yours? Or are you good?"

The room falls into a stunned, horrified silence. No one dares speak.

Even Bakugo is too shocked to explode.

Kaminari clutches his side, gasping for air between fits of laughter. "This—this kid is brutal!"

Mina wipes tears from her eyes. "I can't—oh my god—"

Aizawa's eye twitches, clearly regretting every decision that led to this moment. Even All Might looks like he has no idea how to respond.

Dark Shadow, the traitor that he is, cackles gleefully beside me. "I love him. Can we keep him?"

"No," I whisper. "We cannot."

Tsuki hops down from the front of the room, looking far too pleased with himself.

"You're welcome," he says cheerfully, strolling back toward me.

I stare at him, absolutely dumbfounded. "What... was that?"

Tsuki grins up at me. "That, brother, was the truth."

As the bell rings and the class slowly pulls itself back together, Aizawa gives me a long, weary look.

"Tokoyami," he says flatly, "get your brother out of my class. Now."

With a heavy sigh, I grab Tsuki by the collar and start dragging him toward the door.

He waves cheerfully over his shoulder. "Bye, losers! See you next time!"

"THERE WON'T BE A NEXT TIME!" I shout, my voice echoing down the hall.

But I know. Oh, I know.

There will absolutely be a next time.