Forever Mine {BOOK 4}

Chapter Thirteen

                  CHRISTOPHER POV.

     I felt the cruise sailing in a perfect flow as I was in the stateroom I share with Emma. And she was lying beside me, asleep just as dawn approached. And when the light was gently breaking inside the room from outside of the window, I was trying to be patient, and I saw Emma sleeping gently, and she was unbothered. And now as I'm just lying in the bed next to Emma, I can't help but just continue to toss and turn.

I grab my phone that's charging and I take it off and I see my phone light up showing my screen saver of a selfie with Emma and me on our honeymoon in Paris, of us on the night of our fancy rooftop dinner. And I smile looking at the picture of us. And I think about getting up, and I see Emma asleep in the sheets beside me. I had in me to lie in the bed, place down my phone, and I lie there, just thinking to myself.

   I had gently moved the covers off of me and I had easily gotten up, and just as I had decided to drag myself out of the master room into the bathroom and I shut the door and I switch on the light, and I started to wash my face. And as the cold water hit my face, I started thinking about how I lied to Emma. And the second I had just thought about all the nasty things I said to Emma, and all the arguments I won with her in my head. And I never wanna go against any of it. Not like this.

    I feel guilty about how I lied about giving her children in a year. But the truth results in how I don't want children because it is terrifying to bring someone that is a part of us. And just as I think of having children, it haunts me more and more. But I have to put myself first when it comes to this. And I'm sorry for it. But it is my decision and I think overtime, Emma'll understand. I mean, she has to. And as I think hard about it all, I wonder if Emma will take me on this and just keep accept my decision.

   I think about Emma always trying to make us unhappy, and try to say how she is upset and sad that I've made up my mind about everything and when it comes to being a father, I'm just not cut out for it. And Emma will probably never understand. The fear that I will die, leaving them behind, and having people see me in them, making them broken because of my passing. And that will hurt more than anything else.

  Suddenly, I heard my phone alarm go off. And I quickly emerged out of the bathroom to shut it up, and when I retrieved back to the room where my phone is, I shut it off with hope that it didn't wake Emma up. I waited for a second and it didn't go off. And I had put my phone on silent and then I was ready to settle back into the bathroom to shower before Emma got up and get ready for the day. And I was probably going to call my mom and check in on her because it's been a minute.

So I went in and took a shower, and I had afterwards, got dressed for the day in a plain beige T-shirt and a multicolored shorts. And I had taken my phone out, and I had seen my mom's number in my contacts. I decided to shut the bathroom door all the way and I had let the faucet sink run.

    I dialed mom's number, and just like that, she picked up.

   "Hey Christopher, I'm so glad to hear your voice." Mom answered, her voice sounded good, I heard as if loud noises were being heard, and just like that, I had heard as if something was going on.

   I didn't wanna press.

   "Hey mom, how're you?" I asked her, confused about the noise. "What's going on where you're at?"

  "Oh it's just a loud building of a house I'm going to show tomorrow. It's just the maintenance." She replied, and just like that, I heard a door shut from what it sounded like, and just like that it had gone in the direction it had. Us talking, of course. "It's quiet now. Sorry about that. But how have you been?"