The Psychotic Episodes: ..... All Rights Reserved.

# 6: where only eagles dare

Hell minus the circles: where only eagles dare.

Hello again it's, lovely to see you here, and how the wheel in the sky does turn eh?
Altruism and realism: which is more dangerous? An internal vs external observation.

Realism, for the most part, would be a boring time if it weren't for the danger inherently within it, while with altruism, the danger lies in the mystery remaining mysterious, but at the same time actually egging on and moving the duality of it's very own nature, the strangest part being, that even as good natured as most altruistic behaviors can be, they tend to draw our spirits into competition for available human and psychic energies, energies which when combined can create and recreate life and any and every part OF it, and though the sake of realism may appear to bring more light to bear on reality than altruism, the very nature of man is indeed altruistic, if not for its own self then for the selves of those it knows and or loves or cares for. The realism(s) most people tend to adhere to, tend to be the most glaring examples of groupthink, and often go decades with no real moral examination and or individual and internal observation, of the selves involved, and the tendency then becomes physical or is prompted out, from internal reality to external through a behavior or acting outwardly, instead of inwardly, acting to oneself however, is not completely without merit, if for no other reasons than knowing more intimately oneself beyond what others do and or say about you. To profess to know about something for ones own purposes can claim so much influence and propriety for that inner sanctum of selfhood that knows how to defend itself, that the very altruism herein states, that my own mentality could be very exposed and or vulnerable to attack, if only there were actual proof that I thought in this way but, there is none, and no amount of finagling chicanery,  ass, liquor or cash, could get me to think otherwise, and I mean sure, there could be a conversation about it, maybe even an agreement on some things but not, your own thinking, coming from within my own brains and or words.
Because if I'd had the foresight to imagine that that was all that was needed in order to prevent the need to protect, what and whom I held dear, then I think we'd all be in a lot different situations than we are now. But a conversation couldn't possibly contain as much value as needed to influence as many like minded individuals as were willing to gather into one single place to talk about and discuss the things most important and pressing to advancement of all, of our well being, and continuity. And if that conversation ever takes place, between any two or more humans, anywhere on earth, or any other planet for that matter, then I think, that we may just get somewhere as a species but, despite all my glowering optimism here, I also can't help but acknowledge the faint if even shimmering sliver of psychic negativity, being produced, by the things broadcast for the entertainment of the species, the news in particular, I must stop here, and change the subject, I just got a notification on my screen, yep, gimme a minute….

Somewhere out in the desert between B and N

Aah yes now where was I? Yes, changing the subject, now then,
Are you a Savage or a servant.
I mean, who wants to be a servant am I right? But, you gotta serve SOME body, so I'm STILL right.
Although, if while serving you find your master wants you to Savage someone or some THING, THEN do you combine the two? Or what. Think how this must sound,
to be a Savage servant, would this mean that you serve savagely? I mean, surely your master could never be a Savage, right? Or maybe, your inner Savage is really your master and you just didn't KNOW IT yet, and now you find that you must TAME that inner dragon which seeks to inform his or her inner self with satisfaction at any other price than his or her very own immortal SOUL, and you're at a loss for just where to even begin, when you realize it is that soul which you will end up paying with, for whatever it was you were seeking to satisfy yourself with, for whatever brief and flickering moments of joy and or bliss, when It COULD be free of cost, with NO indentured servitude required on ANYONES part, in part OR wholeheartedly, see store for details, assholes and elbows and poetic licensing subject to credit approval, contest ends at your demise,  prizes and participation subject to slaving over a hot stove for the rest of your life, watching everyone else eat while you just sit there and starve, so get on the goddamned STICK already!
And tell me one other thing as well, if I am as you say unworthy, then, is the password to enter here go fuck yourself? Or is it more docile and just accepting of YOUR reality than mine? Because if it IS go fuck yourself why then I believe I can approve and appreciate this gesture in confidence, however, your gobblecocking lessons should proceed immediately
in light of your current discernment capabilities and in retrospect I believe I may just have to supervise your classes until you're ready to go out and serve us the way it was intended from the beginning of TIME, but hey though in all seriousness, I'm really not a bad guy, my life was just shit on back in my twenties, an so I had to stand up and try to shake some of the shit off of myself, and in the process i ended up sounding a little bit more emotional about it in some places than others, about some more unusual than normal types of things, that I assert here, that may have led up to said shit being flung in my general direction, and on to myself but, in the spirit of not being too ego centric and or self involved, in my complaint here, i think it might be prudent of me to let some of those more emotional outbursts take on a direction such as perhaps the assholes which originated the shit flying in my direction, as, I'm sure, they will be desperately needing to go and fuck themselves out loud and on fire until the cows come home to roost upon each of the seventy nine fucking FACES which inhabits each of their fuckin HEADS! I hope you all break out in ninety nine assholes and die of the dribbling SHITS! and for all those you've obviously paid to believe YOUR idea of how MY life should be, well, they're just going after rheir OWN ends, and i cannot blame them, as much as you, but still know, i WILL defend myself with every ounce of vigour until my verry last breath, and, even if it means only a single moment more of my life, even though I'd really rather not have that ANYwhere in my history, I WILL, take those measures if necessary.
Having said all that, if I happen to point out just how gobblecockingly gob smacked you all are (and appear) that a human being could actually be and or become as articulate about his thoughts and feelings, too much for you to ascertain any relatable significance upon, through or in purpose of, why then, we may even engage in a brief discourse on a subject revolving around much more constructive considerations and constituent counterparts, because if I'm being honest, those EFF bombs (and other expletives) I dropped earlier were just some of the remnants of an epoch in my life where screaming and yelling were some of the favored referrals to things not going my way, now, I tend to much prefer to speak calmly and rationally, with a boot to the head, for my never having gotten so much as a single punch in the mouth, on the individual(s) who started this grand scheming nightmare of an endgame that my life has become.
I further believe I was meant to abhorr violence just so intensely and vehemently that I could actually (almost) picture myself, doing some rather strange things, just to calm him from his emotions, not to say that id prefer that but, let's not get ahead of ourselves here EITHER, for what good could outing oneself so completely POSSIBLY do, for anyone but HIMSELF?! Teach him to refer to himself in the SEVENTH person? And surely there could NEVER be any REAL reason to TALK to oneself in this way, so go ahead, refer to me as didactically dictatorial as you'd like, and I'll still have made more sense of MY dumpster fire of a life than YOU will have made of ALL of the grand successes and meaningful accomplishments in YOUR, little, unexamined, LITTLE, life, I'm not going to tell you what to do with your life, except not to take anyone elses, lest ye harm none, do as ye will.
And by the way?
DO YOUR OWN THING!
Keep yourself alive!
Oh and one other thing?
I'll never tell you exactly where I was when I wrote this.