Drunk In Love (Crushing Hard Series Book 3)

Dear Diary:30/04/2019

Tuesday

Today was the day Kevin and I went to therapy. The atmosphere was heavy with tension as we sat in that sterile room, surrounded by the faint scent of lavender and the sound of a ticking clock. The therapist started by asking us if we wanted to work things out or if we were looking for an amicable way to end things. I hesitated, my heart racing, before finally speaking.

“I don’t know. I love Kevin but I don't want to be in a relationship just because I said I’d stay. He hurt me, truly hurt me.” My voice trembled slightly, betraying the strength I was trying to project. “I don’t trust him anymore. I want to. But I can’t right now.”

I could feel the weight of my own words, the truth of them crashing over me like a tidal wave. It struck me then, the realization that I was perpetually waiting—waiting for a man to choose me, to be ready. I was so tired. “When will I finally meet a man who will fight for me?” I thought bitterly, a sense of defeat washing over me.

Kevin sat across from me, his expression unreadable, but I could see the tension in his jaw. The therapist directed her gaze at him, encouraging him to share.

I took a deep breath and asked him about his whereabouts that night in February. He hesitated, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I awaited his response. Then he came clean, revealing that he had met another woman. My world tilted on its axis.

He admitted he had thought about cheating but didn’t go through with it. “I thought if I cheated, it would be easier for you to leave,” he said, his voice low and defeated. “But I just couldn’t hurt you that way.”

I wanted to scream. I thought I was immune to pain after everything I had been through, but whatever fragile remains of my heart shattered in that moment. How could he think that was a solution? His intention didn’t matter; the betrayal still cut deep.

The therapist pressed him, asking why, after all these years, he almost cheated. She wanted to know what his goal was in therapy if he knew he couldn’t give me what I wanted. I tuned out Kevin’s response, my ears roaring. The walls felt like they were closing in on me, and I struggled to catch my breath. The air was thick with unspoken truths and unresolved feelings.

I needed to get out of that room. I felt as if I was suffocating, overwhelmed by the weight of it all—the pain, the fear, the uncertainty. I couldn’t hear Kevin anymore, couldn’t focus on anything except the desperate need to escape. I bolted from my chair and left the therapy session, not even looking back.

When I got home, I collapsed onto my bed, the tears flowing freely. I felt lost, shattered by the revelation and the realization that I had been waiting for him to be ready, while he had been contemplating leaving me in the most painful way possible. The thought of it gnawed at me, and I was left wondering if I would ever feel whole again.