Drunk In Love (Crushing Hard Series Book 3)

Dear Diary:02/07/2019

Monday night

When Scott dropped me off yesterday, it was like my brain finally started functioning again. Being around him had made it impossible to think clearly. But with Monday came some much-needed space — and Scott’s absence from the office gave me time to reflect. I realized I didn’t want to rush into something with him. It felt like moving backward, not forward. I wanted to enjoy being single, to figure out my life on my own terms. Plus, Scott had just come out of a relationship too. It felt like a rebound situation waiting to happen, and if we dove in too fast, we’d burn out just as quickly.

At lunchtime, I decided to call Scott. Here’s how it went:

"Hey, I was just thinking about you. I miss you," Scott’s voice came through warm and low, the kind of voice that makes your insides feel like molten lava. Instantly, flashes of our weekend popped into my mind. It felt surreal, like waking up from a dream — a really, really good dream.

"Really?" I replied. "I actually miss you too. It’s not the same here without you. Have you started reading the diary yet?"

"Yeah," he said, chuckling. "I’m still at the part where you hooked up with your ex during that very colorful school break. I'm excited to dive deeper into it. Half the school used to read your diaries on the daily."

"Not half the school, just half the grade," I corrected.

"Technicalities," he teased.

We shared a brief laugh, but I knew I had to get to the point. "I’ve been thinking," I started.

"About?" His voice softened, encouraging me to continue.

"Well… I think we should take things slow. We’ve both just come out of long-term relationships, and I think we need to heal and take our time before diving into anything."

There was a pause. "I understand what you’re saying," he said, his voice frustratingly calm and rational. "I guess you’ve made up your mind."

I had expected a bit more resistance, a little pushback, but his understanding caught me off guard.

"Look, I know we got caught up yesterday," I explained. "You caught me off guard, and honestly, I would’ve agreed to anything in the moment."

"Off guard? How?" He sounded genuinely surprised.

"Come on, Scott. Don’t act like you don’t know the effect you have on me," I whispered, feeling a bit mortified at how vulnerable I was being.

He let out a laugh, the kind of laugh that made me momentarily forget why I had even called. "Oh, that. Yeah, I’ve noticed," he said, clearly enjoying my admission.

"Oh, great. And I have no effect on you?"

"I’m really good at hiding that sort of stuff."

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"I could show you better than I can tell you."

At that, I swear my toes curled, and my stomach did this tight, coiled spring kind of thing. But I snapped myself back to the point of the conversation. "No! Scott, this is exactly what I mean. I don’t think rationally when I’m with you. So, no thank you."

He sighed but stayed playful. "So we’re pausing things for now?"

We spoke for a few more minutes, with Scott shamelessly flirting and me doing my best to deflect. But in the end, he respected my decision to put things on hold, even if we both knew the pull between us wasn’t going away anytime soon.

I had to hang up abruptly when Aisha came in the café to take her lunch.