Drunk In Love (Crushing Hard Series Book 3)

Dear Diary: 03/02/2019

Sunday

So, Kevin is back. He came back on Friday and wanted to go out. You would think he’d want to spend his first night buried in me, but no. We ended up going to a club called Oribi. I had to watch my man get super drunk with his friends, and let me tell you, there’s nothing more annoying than being the only sober person in a room full of drunk people. They kept laughing and talking loudly, like they were trying to compete with the bass thumping from the speakers.

With each sip of his drink, the desire to bump uglies with Kevin dwindled. I mean, seriously—how could I feel sexy when he was slurring his words and cracking the same jokes over and over? I was the designated driver, so I drove everyone home. Kevin couldn’t even make it up to our bedroom. He passed out on the couch like a log. What a beautiful welcome.

Then on Saturday morning, I woke up to find I was on my period. It was raining and gloomy outside, just like my mood. I didn’t want Kevin anywhere near me. One minute I was happy, the next I was crying, and then I was angry. It was a rollercoaster I didn’t want him on.

We were lounging on the couch, watching movies, when Kevin tried to rub my belly like it was some kind of magic wand.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I barked, glaring at him. “You always have to fucking touch me. Just don’t. It’s annoying!”

“It’s annoying when I touch you?” he replied, amusement dancing in his eyes. He was so used to my mood swings during this time of the month that he barely flinched.

“Do you have to talk?”

“Sorry, I’ll shut up.”

But after twenty minutes, I was in tears.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Kevin asked, his voice laced with concern.

“I’m just craving sweets. Can you please go get me some sweets from the garage? Sour worms and chocolate?” I begged, wiping my tears away in frustration.

He hopped up and went to the convenience store, returning with all the sweets I liked—except one thing.

“Where’s the ice cream, Kevin?” My voice shook as I struggled to fight back tears of frustration.

“You never asked for ice cream, babe,” he pointed out reasonably, but that didn’t help.

“Do I have to ask for something now? Why can’t you read my mind like I always read yours? I can anticipate your needs, but you can never anticipate mine! It’s because you don’t love me, Kevin. You never have!” Tears flowed down my cheeks, and I could see Kevin opening and closing his mouth, unsure of how to respond.

Fed up, I stood up. “I can’t even be around you right now. I’m going upstairs for a nap.”

Halfway up the stairs, I noticed he hadn’t moved from the couch, and that pissed me off even more.

“Are you coming?!” I yelled, not even bothering to hide my irritation.

“Oh, I thought—never mind. I’m coming,” he said, following me with a resigned look.

What do boys learn in school anyway? That when a woman says “leave me alone,” she actually means it?

We settled into the TV room in our bedroom, and it was going well until I noticed how loud Kevin’s breathing was. I tried to block it out, but he just kept breathing like a freight train.

I wasn’t myself; it was PMS. It was real and it existed. I had no control over my emotions. I had been having such a great week at work, bonding with everyone, and Scott and I were in a good place. I was excited to share all these things with Kevin, but here I was, contemplating clawing out my ears if I had to keep hearing him breathe.

Anyway, that was Saturday. Today, I was much better. I hardly cried, except when Kevin disagreed with me about a movie we were watching. That got me crying, and I was saying stuff like how he didn’t have my back. After a while, we got bored of sitting at home and decided to go to Tasha’s, my favorite place to eat. I ordered cocktail after cocktail, and by the time we got home, I was buzzed in the best way.

We were vibing, giggling, and flirting on the couch. It felt good. We were making out, the kind of makeout that usually leads to some naughty hanky-panky. I decided to get on my knees to make him really happy, and I was feeling all warm and fuzzy.

Then we talked about kids. This was a momentous occasion because Kevin had never liked to think that far ahead. He hadn’t even considered planning our wedding yet.

“I hope that one day, when we do have a kid, we have a boy,” he said with a chuckle. “I wouldn’t be able to cope with two PMSing females by myself!”

My eyes widened with hope, and I felt all mushy inside. “You think about us having kids??” I couldn’t hide the excitement in my voice.

He laughed, shaking his head. “Look at you right now! I swear your uterus just skipped a beat! I didn't mean anything by it. It was just something that popped up in my head... "He shrugged as if we were discussing what to have for lunch, not something monumental.

“Keveeeinnnn! Come on! You never think about us having kids? Can you just picture it? Our baby! With curls and golden skin—” I was cut short by the odd expression on his face.

He laughed unconvincingly when he saw that I’d noticed his expression. “I obviously don’t mean now. I meant in the future too,” I corrected myself, feeling the weight of his hesitation in the air.

There was an awkward silence, and I decided to change the subject. “So, Amanda from high school is having her traditional wedding ceremony soon. We should go.”

“Yeah, I’ll have to check my schedule,” he replied nonchalantly.

“Half the people I went to high school with will be attending. It’ll give you an idea of what to expect when we do our Membeso.”

I guess that was the wrong thing to say because his face closed off, like a curtain dropping. I rolled my eyes. This was becoming a joke. Did this boy realize that we were going to have to do all these things soon?

But I dropped the subject, talking about my outfit and showing him pictures, only to see his interest fade like a distant memory. I tried to bury my hurt feelings. If we had a fight now, it would be monumental. And I didn’t have the energy for that.

So I just let it go.