Behind The Bandages - Dazai Depression Fic -

Who Are You?

I feel really cold. The coldest I have ever felt. Am I even alive anymore? Or am I dead? Do the dead feel?

Is that the bathroom light? Or the sun? Or maybe it's both. Whatever it is, red water is beginning to blur my vision. The light looks red now, demonic. 

I don't feel pain anymore. It's peaceful. Is that why it's called resting in peace? Where am I going to go?

Hell. You've killed people.

I know. Whatever comes next, it's not going to be good.

The bright red light suddenly becomes dark. I think it's time. No, wait. Is that a face? Why is there a face?

A face is all I remember before blacking out.

-later-

I wake up, panting, sweat sticking to my face. Was it a dream? I look down, and see that both my arms are bandaged, an IV stuck in my arm.

How the hell did I survive? But then I remember the face.

I go to move my arms, but notice a handcuff. Weird. I look around me. This place looks familiar, where have I seen it before?

The door opens, and in walks Chuuya. He sits down on the chair next to my bed, folding his arms. Oh right. I'm at the mafia's infirmary.

'Who the fuck are you' He says with a snarl. I giggle.

'Nobody. Why. Am I interesting?' I say, but it comes out as a whisper. Chuuya leans fowards in his chair, staring at me.

'If you don't answer my question, I will kill you'. I laugh.

'I call bullshit. You saved my life. Now, why would you do that unless you needed me alive?' He cocks his head.

'In fact, why did you save my life?' I say, a smile tugging at the edge of my mouth. Chuuya snarls. 'I can't, I don't, it's...' He says through gritted teeth. I suddenly realise.

'You can't remember saving my life, can you?'

'No' he spits out. 'Then how'd you know you were the one who did?'

'I left myself a note. Thing is, it doesn't make any sense'. Now this peaks my interest. How come Chuuya remembered, then forgot who I was?

'What did the note say?' I ask, eyes wide with curiosity.

'Save Dazai Osamu' Chuuya says bluntly. 'Oh, so you know who I am then, Chuuya?' Suddenly, Chuuya lurches over me, knife at my throat. 'I have no fucking clue who you are, okay? How the FUCK do you know my name?' I giggle.

'Oh, I know more than just your name, Chibi'. He stares at me stunned. 'Who the hell do you work for. CIA? SVR? That fucking ADA-'

'-No'. He takes the knife from my throat, taking a seat on a chair. He takes his hat of his head, and rubs his face aggressively.

'Why'd you save my life?' I ask. 'I can't remember, okay Dipshit?' He snarls. I chuckle.

'Do you remember bringing me here?' He shakes his head.

'Well then, if you'd be so kind to let me go, I'd much appretiate it'. He laughs. 'No way in hell am I going to let you leave. You're going to ask my questions' He spits.

I sigh. 'Fine. Have it your way then.' I click my fingers, both cuffs falling from each hand. I rip the IV out of my arm.

'Well, it's been fun catching up Chuuya, but I'm rather busy at the moment with trying to kill myself. Maybe another time yeah?' I get out of the bed.

Chuuya laughs. 'I wouldn't do that if I were you.' He stands up too. I smile.

'Why, you going to make gravity go whoosh and capture me?' He stares at me stunned. 'How the FUCK-'

'-did I know about that? Who do you work for? Tell me tell me tell me. Blah blah blah. Boring Chuuya. I'm BORED.' I say firmly.

Chuuya laughs. 'You know what? I'm fucking fine with me killing you now. You're so dead'. He thrusts his palm fowards towards me, but nothing happens.

'WHAT THE HELL?' He yells. I stifle a laugh. 'Having performance issues there Chu Chu?'

'SHUT UP' He screams. He lifts up a cabinet, throwing it at me. As it comes near me, No Longer Human Activates, and it drops to the floor.

'Well, this has been fairly disappointing, so I'd like to go now' I say. Suddenly, Chuuya has grappled me, his knee on my throat.

'Who the FUCK are you?' He snarls. 'Nobody you know' I say, willing him to press down on my throat harder.

'You're an ability user, so WHO THE FUCK DO YOU WORK FOR!' He finally screams, and I see the edges of his eye go black.

'I don't work for anybody-'

'BULLSHIT!' He screams, he knee pressing down harder. 'People like you ALWAYS work for somebody!' 

The black begins to reach his iris now. 'TELL ME WHO YOU WORK FOR!' He yells, pressing his knee all the way down on my throat.

My vision begins to wobble. Not the way I imagined going out, but it's nice to be with somebody, rather than alone.

I guess I always wanted to die with somebody.

I look up at Chuuya, the black finally reaching his pupil. I guess this is it. I close my eyes, ready for the end.

'Dazai?' A quiet voice asks. I look up at Chuuya. He removes his knee from my throat.

'Chuuya?' I ask. He looks down at me. 'Dazai...' I put my hand up to his face, cupping it. As I do so, his ability vanishes.

'GET THE FUCK OFF ME' He screams, knocking my hand out of the way.

'Chuuya, do you know who I am?' I ask bluntly. 'No fucking clue areshole' He spits. He gets off me, and drags me back to the bed. He cuffs my wrists again.

'But you are going to stay here until I know who the fuck you are'. He storms out the room, slamming and locking it.

How the hell did he know who I was?

He didn't. You imagined it.

That's fair. All he said why my name. Nothing more. I look down at my cuffs. Should I escape and kill myself? Or, should I just kill myself here?

The thought of escaping tires me out, so I just continue to lie there. Maybe, if I stay here they'll kill me anyway.

Why did everythig have to get so complicated? I look down at the bandages, and realise they're sloppy. Chuuya must've saved my life. But why? He has no idea who I am?

Suddenly, tiredness overcomes me, and I fall asleep.