Behind The Bandages - Dazai Depression Fic -

Romanée-Conti

!!!TW!!!

Mention of SH, negative thoughts.

Romanée-Conti

I open my eyes, seeing the golden light stream through the slits in the blinds.

It looks like something else to me.

I can't hear anybody else in the room, so I open up my eyes, looking around.

He's gone. He doesn't care about you after all.

Was it a dream? Was he even here? I check my call log. It says I recieved a call last night.

He knows.

This makes me bolt upright, checking my arms. They've been bandaged, but it looks sloppy. 

He knows.

Fuck. This is only going to make everything harder. He even knows about Beckett. He knows what I am trying to do.

He knows.

I shake off the voice, redoing my bandages in the process.

There's a brisk knock at the door.

'Come in' I say, plastering on my best smile. In marches Yosano, armed with a coffee and a croissant.

'Eat' she commands. I can tell she's done with my bullshit.

'Morning to you too' I say, grabbing the coffee from her. She rolls her eyes. She takes it out of my hand.

'Hey!' I protest.

'No coffee until you've eaten' She responds, thrusting the croissant into my palm.

'Yes mum' I say snarkily, making a show out of eating a bite. 'Mmmmmmm. Yummy' I say.

'Arms check' She says bluntly. 'You baby proofed this entire room, remember?'

'I know you can pick a lock dumbass'. 

'Then why put me in here?' I say, swallowing my croissant.

'Just give me your fucking arms Dazai' She says, grabbing my arm. I can see her noticing the bandages.

'Bled through the other one' I say, smiling. She huffs. 'Fucking hell. What you do last night, impact sports? And since when have you been shit with bandages? Isn't it like your whole thing?'

'Too tired to do it properly' I say, smiling wider. 'Plus, I knew I'd have a lovely nurse come and do it for me in the morning'. She stares at me. I smile even wider.

'Your comfort face is fucking terrifying' She says bluntly, as she begins to rewrap my bandages.

There's a knock at the door. Out of instinct, I yank my arms away, hiding them behind my back.

'Not right now, busy. Who is it?' She responds.

'Atsushi. Just wanted to ask how Dazai is' We hear through the door.

'I'm good! Thanks for asking!' I say, trying to sound positive. There's a pause.

'O-oh okay'. I hear, and the footsteps receed. I look back to Yosano, who is wrapping my arms.

'Why do you lie all the time?' She asks bluntly. 'What do you mean?' I ask, cocking my head.

'See, you're doing it now. You always hide things from people. You say that you're fine, but I can tell by some of these keloid scars that it's all bullshit.'

There's a pause.

'What happened Dazai?'

I see his face, smiling his last smile, scorched from the blast. I see his face, filled with worry. A softness. A face that could never love you back.