Behind The Bandages - Dazai Depression Fic -

Childminding

!!!TW!!!

Mentions of SH, medical gore.

Childminding

Suddenly, Kenji throws himself at me, pulling me into a bear hug. 'I can't lose anyone else' he whispers. 'Not after Seki'.

Oh right, of course. He was so young when he died. I've got to find Beckett. There's nothing you can do without him.

Kenji's eyes twinkle up at me, tears sliding down his face. 'Promise me Dazai. Promise me that you won't die'. I sigh.

'I'm not trying to die Kenji. This actually helps me to live. Without it, I wouldn't have control'. I can tell that he doesn't understand. I ruffle his hair, placing his hat back on his head. Ranpo sits down next to him. 'Look Kenji, nobody at the agency knows about this. Okay? So we can't tell anyone'. Kenji bursts into tears. 

You've scarred him. It's all your fault.

I huff. 'Tell Yosono. I'm sure she'll be good to talk to'. Ranpo looks at me. 'You sure?' I nod. 'In fact, it might be wise to tell everyone. I wan't to get better'. Ranpo smiles.

'I'm proud of you Dazai'. I return his smile.

Who cares if they all know. It doesn't make a spot of difference.

Yes. Because we have a plan.

-later-

I managed to hobble into the agency - just about. Ranpo had to drive, which was actually incredibly terrifying. He doesn't understand stop lights. He sees them as 'light suggestions'. Wasn't sure if he was making a pun or not.

'Dazai, if you've gathered us all up again to come up with new suicide methods, I will literally kill you myself' Kunikedia says sourly.

I smile, opening my suicide notebook. 'Death by Kunikedia'. He rolls his eyes. 'Might be messy.' He crosses his eyebrows, now clearly angry. 'Will be messy. Potentially ripped apart. TBD.' I add. Everyone laughs.

'Why are we here Dazai' Atsushi says, worriedly. I huff. 'You can smell it can't you?' He nods. 'Why do you smell like blood?' 

'He ran over some glass like an idiot' Yosano says. 'That's why his feet are fucked'. Atsushi sniffs the air. 'His arms too?' I see Yosano tilt her head with interest. 'What the fuck you do now Dazai, roll on it?'

Suddenly, Kenji stars crying. 'Whats wrong Kenj? Tanizaki asks. He doesn't say anything, just looks down at the ground. 

'Okay can someone please tell me what the hell is going on' Kunikedia says sternly. Ranpo nods at me expectantly.

You're an idiot for suggesting this.

I know. But I need to placate Ranpo.

'Well you know I have these very fashionable bandages?' Everybody nods. 

How the hell am I going to say this. How did I tell him?

Flashback, 5 years ago

We are crouching behind a dumpster, torches flickering all over the walls. 'If you so much as move a muscle, I swear Dazai I will fucking cut you into pieces'. He whispers. I giggle.

'Oh Chuuya, that's not really a threat to me at all'.

'Shut up!' He hisses. 'You'll get us caught!' I stick my tongue out. He huffs. 'You know I can fucking skin a person alive right? I am a threat!' He whisper yells. The lights flick over to us.

'Shit' He says. He bangs on the drain. 'Let us in you arseholes!' I laugh properly now. 'Okay, I've had my fun.' I come off the lid, revealing the handle.