Behind The Bandages - Dazai Depression Fic -

Discoveries of Glass

!!!TW!!!

SH and suicidal ideation.

Discoveries of Glass

I wake up to two giant green eyes staring at me.

'FUCK' I scream. The eyes blink. 'Morning sleepyhead, sorry for waking you'.

'Can I get just one fucking day where you don't fucking come into my fucking house fucking unannounced you tiny fucking arsehole'.

'Woah! I counted six that time. Very impressive!' Ranpo grins. 'Right, up you get. I'm making breakfast. How's cereal?' Our eyes lock. Knowingly.

'Get the fuck out of my flat Ranpo' I say curtly. He puts on a sad face. 'Can't, orders are that we work here for a bit.' He hops off the bed. 'Nice bedsheets by the way. Blacks a clever choice'. He bustles out the room.

I am going to kill that little shit. I put the pillow over my face and groan. It gets whipped away from me. 'Nope! No suffocating on my watch Dazai Osamu'. Suddenly, I've jumped out of my bed and slammed Ranpo against the wall violently.

'Stop fucking around. You're really starting to piss me off'.

I get a flashback of a short ginger man growling at me, as I hold him tightly against a wall, knife to his throat. The short man turns back into Ranpo.

Look what you've done. You're evil.

Then all of a sudden, Ranpo begins laughing.

'That surprised me! You gotta teach me how to do that! I've got some lessons from Fukuzawa but he really...' He continues babbling, so I just put him down and walk back to my bed. I crawl under the sheets. They are quickly taken from me.

'Nope! Up! Or am I going to have to talk to Yosano about the real reason you decided play footsies with a rum bottle?'

I literally cannot win. I can't deny. Or scare him. Or brush it off. Or lie. He's like a fucking rash that won't go away.

'Why the hell wont you just leave me alone?' I ask, completely defeated. 

'Because if I do then you're more statistically likely to do something'. He smiles. 'You know what? I think it's a doughnut morning. You have a deepfryer?' I stare at him.

-later-

Ranpo thanks the delivery driver. 'Can't believe you don't have a deepfryer. Like. That's an essential item right there. I have a spare one you can have'. He tosses me a bag with a doghnut in.

'I also got you a coffee. I would throw it to you but it would go everywhere'. He hands it to me, and I take a sip. Ahh. Good shit.

'How'd you know my order?' I ask. He smiles. 'You ordered coffee with me the other day'. Oh shit. Was that the other day? It feels like years ago.

'Also, I've been meaning to ask-' I am interrupted by a knock at the door.

'Ah, that'll be the others'. Ranpo says with a gleeful smile.

FUCK. NO NO NO NO NO-

'Hiya Ranpo!' I hear Atsushi say. For fucks sake. Now they all know where I live.

'Cool digs man!' Tanizaki says. They all come into my living room. 

'Holy fuck man' Tanizaki says at me. 'What?' I say bluntly. 'Weird seeing you without your coat, that's all'. 

'Look what I found!' Atsushi runs into the room, wearing my coat. 'I'm Dazai! I like suicide and coffee'. Everyone laughs. Even I chuckle a bit.

'Stop goofing off, we got a case to solve' Kunikida says. Everyone sits down on the floor.

-later-

'So it's settled. Atsushi and Kyōka will head to the market to see if there's any leads. Myself, Tanizaki and...' He looks over at Kenji, who is fast asleep on the floor, doughnut powder all round his mouth. He sighs. 'Just myself and Tanizai will steak out the warehouse.'

'The rest can workshop a plan to capture them in the act'. He stands up. 'Okay everyone, lets head out.'

Atsushi placed a pillow under Kenji's head, then they all promptly leave the room.

I take a deep breath, and exhale. I hate having people unnanounced in my flat. Wonder if I could get rid of the other two. I look over at Kenji, who is deep in sleep. 

Wake him up. Get him to leave. Hurt yourself.

I am brought back to reality by Ranpo. 'I'm going out to get some sweets, don't do anything stupid' He says matter of factly. He begins to gather up his cloak. I look over Kenji, who is deep in sleep.

You know it's time.

'Whatever' I say, and head over to my bathroom. I wait for the door to slam. I pull out a shard of glass I saved from the rum bottle from out of my pocket.

DO IT.

I begin my routine. 

One for killing Oda.

Slash.

One for being a failure.

Slash.

One for -

'Dazai?' I hear a small voice squeak. I spin round, and staring at me is the terrified face of Kenji. Our eyes meet. Oh fuck.

'What-'

-'Nothing!' I interrupt and go to slam the door. Kenji rips it off the hinges, throwing it to one side. Little shit. That will be expensive to replace.

I try and hobble away from him, but he easily catches up to me.

'Gimmie it!' He yells, scrambling to take the glass off me. I hold on for dear life, the edge digging into my hands. He tries to left me up, but No Longer Human activates, nullifying his ability.

'NO!' I scream. I can't let him have it. It's all I have left. It's all I have left to remind me of what I did.

Suddenly, I find another pair of hands on me, wrestling to take it off me. I try and fight them both. Damn it. If my feet and arms weren't throbbing right now i'd easily be able to take them. I hear a voice.

'You're weak Dazai. Always have been'. I shake it from my head. But then all of a sudden, exhaustion overcomes me. I slump down onto the floor, as Kenji sits on top of me, panting.

'JEEZ *pants* LOUISE *pants* DAZAI *pants*'. I look over to me other captor. Ranpo. Of fucking course. They are both covered in splodges of blood.

'Well, I guess I didn't need to clean your bathroom after all. Considering, well, It's fucking everywhere' He says, gesturing to the room.

It looks like a murder scene.

It's all your fault. Now Kenji knows.

'I bought a UV light and everything' he pouts. Ah. So that's why he cleaned it. He takes his cloak off, placing it on top of my arms. 'Kenji, hold him down. Make sure you don't touch his skin'. Kenji nods.

He goes into the bathroom, returning with bandages and antiseptic. He binds my wounds, as I try really hard to squirm out of Kenji's grip. But it's impossible. Like wrestling with a lion.

Finally, Ranpo finishes his work. 'Okay, release him now. Dazai, if you try anything I will taze you' He pulls out a tazer from his back pocket. I laugh. 'That won't do shit. Had worse'. Ranpo sighs.

'Fine. If you try anything I will inform every other person at the Detective Agency that you self harm.'

Ah fuck.

I hear a sniffle. I look over at Kenji. 'Why would you do this to yourself Dazai? I don't understand'. He begins to cry.

You made him cry. Idiot.

I try and think of something to say, but words escape me. How could anybody care this much? I'm not even real. I'm not a human being. Just a cluster of cells that wished they were apart.

And soon they will be.