Behind The Bandages - Dazai Depression Fic -

Nothing

!!!TW!!!

Threat of suicide

Nothing

hate the smell of disinfectant. Ever since I smelt it the day I had to wash my clothes after removing his remains from the concrete.

And now, here I am, surrounded with it. The bedsheets, the walls, even the fucking curtains. It smells like dying. Like he did.

You need to do it.

I sigh. It's becoming more of a craving than a need. But I am under lock and key. I mean, hypothetically I could pick the lock, but then where would I go? Do it in another location? Self harm is self harm, no matter if I did it here or on the grave of my dead friend.

What about in front of the person you love?

No. I don't love anybody. I am not a human being, therefore, I cannot love.

But you try anyway.

I can't be in love. I don't want to be in love. Because the last time I loved somebody...I tense at the thought. I see his smile, so soft. His corpse had the same one.

You hurt the people you love.

My phone pings. I pick it up, seeing an unknown number.

'The poor have me, the rich need me. I am more powerful than God, and more evil than the devil. What am I?'

I mull it over. Easy.

I text back. 'Nothing. Who have I got the pleasure of talking to?'

'For now, you can call me Godot.' Huh. Weird.

'Nice to make your acquaintance, Godot.'

'I hear you have been waiting for me.' Then it hits me.

'Is this perchance a Samuel Beckett?' No response. Such a shame. I was having such a good time too.

'Why don't you ask me in person, Dazai Osamu.'

I smile. How wonderful! He knows who I am!

'I'd love to! Where and when do you want to meet.'

'Look up'. I do as I'm told.

'I knew you were up to something Dazai'. I hear a voice say. I sigh. I knew it was too good to be true. Him contacting me like this. I should've kept my guard up.

'Hi Chuuuuuuuuuuuya'.

I look over at the door, seeing him leaning against it.

'What the fuck are you plotting?' He snarls at me. I pull on my most charming smile.

'Oh, you know, detective stuff' I say coyly. 'How are you Chuuya? I mean, I would call you, but I don't actually care'.

'Wow Dazai, not your best insult' He says, then takes a seat next to me. I flinch at the closeness.

'You smell like shit' I say. 'You look like shit' He responds.

'I always wondered what Chuuya was short for' I say, smirking.

'Don't you d-'

'-because he's got little legs!' I say, laughing. He pulls out a knife, holding it to my throat.

'I'm fucking done with your games Dazai. What the hell are you doing searching for Beckett?'

'Now now Chuuya, you could seriously hurt somebody with that thing'. I say, smiling. I put my neck fowards onto the blade. It cuts into my neck bandage, then slightly into my neck, pricking it.