Behind The Bandages - Dazai Depression Fic -

Beginnings and Endings

!!!TW!!!

SH, Suicide, unkind thoughts.

Beginnings and Endings

'There's nothing to talk about' I say to him, yanking my arm. I try not to let the pain show. But he still holds firm.

'Dazai. Are you-'

'-I said I don't want to talk about it!' I hiss, this time sucessfully pulling out of his grip.

'Dazai we need to talk about it!' He says angrily, crossing his arms.

'No we don't. We are on opposite sides now, remember? This means I no longer have an obligation to you, and you no longer have an obligation to me! So please just kindly go fuck yourself' Chuuya scoffs.

'Damn, say how you really feel' He says. 

Get him to leave.

'I will. I fucking hate you. I've fucking hated you from the moment I laid eyes on you. If I knew I never had to see you again I'd live the rest of my life with a smile on my face' I say, staring into his eyes.

'You know what? You're right. Fucking slice yourself up, I don't care. I hope you hit an artery and die'. 

The man you love wants you to die.

Suddenly, Chuuya's eyes go soft.

'Wait Dazai, I didn't mean-'

'Whatever Nakahara'. I say, walking away.

Soon, he will get what he wants.

I walk into the cafe, the door jingling behind me. I notice Tanizaki sat on the floor, surrounded by cats. I slump down next to him.

'You okay bro?' He says, as a little cat comes over and sniffs me with curiosity. I plaster on a smile. 'Yeah I'm good'. The cat comes and sits on my stomach. There's a comfortable silence between the two of us.

'So, who's the lucky guy?' He asks me. 'Oh, nobody you'd know' I say, as the cat begins making biscuits on my stomach. 

'Does he know about...' He trails off, looking at my arms.

He does. He wants you to die.

I nod. Tanizaki nods in response. 'It's good to find somebody you can be honest with. Somebody who you want to be honest with, y'know?'

I nod, understanding. 'Yeah, I agree'. Tanizaki laughs as a cat begins licking his hand. 'Cute! He reminds me a little bit of my cat, Beans. Sometimes I wish I was a cat. Just wander around all day, getting cuddles, sleeping and being fed. What an amazing life'. 

'You could always ask Atsushi what it's like' I say, trying my best to joke around. He laughs. 'Yeah, I guess I could.'

-later-

I slide into my apartment, Tanizaki following. Yosano was fine with him staying at mine tonight. He flops onto the sofa, and immediatly sleeps. I chuckle.

I walk into the kitchen, grabbing some cereal. Does he actually want me to die? Or was he angry?

No. He wants you to die.

I sigh, putting the spoon in my mouth. I think. How the hell am I going to tell him now? He'd think I was joking.

Does it matter? Beckett said to just tell him the truth. It doesn't matter if it is believed or not.

That is a very good point. I open my phone, and go to Chuuya.

D: I am in love with you.

I chuckle at my own bluntness, and click send. It doesn't even matter how he responds, because soon Beckett will complete his end of the deal. I pour the cereal, and head to the fridge for some milk,