The rant book

Chapter 10- Phobias

Chapter 10- Phobias

This chapter I'm gonna be talking about things that scare me or make me mad.

1) Being all alone

I don't like to be alone for a large amount of time.

It feels like I'm being abandoned, again.

Everyone's been lost in Target or Walmart, right?

I have.

But when I was, I didn't know what to do.

That's me in those types of situations.

I sit in a corner, hyperventilating or wheezing.

My uncle finally found me thirty minutes later but it felt like hours.

（≧∇≦）

That's what I probably looked like.

I was so scared that I peed my pants. Multiple times...

2) Losing people

Sometimes when I'm about to go to sleep, I think.

I think, 'Why are we here?' Or 'Do I mean anything?'

Then I slap myself to see if it's just a dream. Yes, I do that.

Then I start thinking of losing the people I love and what'll happen to me.

It's scary.

Being abandoned.

It's really scary.

I start crying sometimes.

I cry myself to sleep and wake up with a soggy pillow.

And let me tell you, it's not comfortable.

My hair was all wet and stuff.

I forget what happened the last night sometimes.

But this happens pretty often.

3) Being bullied

I put up walls.

I'm crazy, stupid.

That's not entirely true.

I put up walls for very good reasons.

When I'm bullied, I feel like I don't belong and that I'm different.

But I've been bullied enough times to know that I am different.

But I'm different and Special.

I don't care anymore.

What people think of me, Their opinion of me. I don't care.

I learned that not everybody will except the different and special parts of you.

People called me Flat-face, Ching-Chong, Ugly.

I thought there was something really wrong with me for them to be calling me those names.

I told my mom and she said that they are just jealous of me.

But I had nothing for them to be jealous about.

I had a mom.

I was-- and still am-- truly blessed. Some people don't even have anything.

But they are cruel.

They would push me down.

They would tell me to die.

It hurt.

But I don't care anymore.

I was a kind girl who just wanted to be friends with everyone.

But they rejected my requests.

So I put up those walls.

I finally started to pull the walls down but something made my walls permanent.

I will never take them down.

I will not tell what happened to me.

That's all.

BlackAbegnation