𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐞𝐬

19. What a change

June 27th 1989

2 days and 1 night. Thats how long its been since I got the worst news of my life. That's how long it's been since Tyree lost his life. 2 days, 1 night. That's how long it's been since he was able to laugh, or smile, or get angry, or even feel sad.

2 days 1 night.

I laid in the bed that I use to lay in every night. I wasn't crying. I couldn't. I cried until I couldn't breathe. I cried until it hurt. I tried taking a nap hoping it was a dream but when I woke up Tyree was still gone. Thats when I realized this was real. This was reality. My reality.

Tyree always had talked about me dying first after Myeisha I can't handle seeing you in a casket L fuck and you think I can? You think this is something I can fucking handle? Because I can't I did this once and you want me to do it again? No. Just no.

I lost Myeisha to drugs and that broke me. Now I lost Tyree and I'm doing it all over again. We were all supposed to be here, we were supposed to be causing hell but they left me. I never wanted to experience something like that again so we both promised each other we would be here forever.

You broke your promise Ty.

I'm just supposed to be perfectly okay seeing him lifeless? Fuck that. Fuck all of that I'm not doing it again that image doesn't leave you.

God I sound selfish.

I heard 3 small soft knocks on the door but I couldn't bother to turn to see who it was.

"Hey L." L sounds more painful when I realize Tyree use called me the same thing. So did everyone else but it just hurts knowing he called me it an he won't be able to call me it again.

"You okay?"

I sniffed "Im fine Isaac."

I could feel weight being shifted on my bed as a sign that he was sitting on it "You sure? I mean something like this-"

"What do you want Isaac."

"Im just checking in, mama said you haven't eaten anything you know..." he sighed " Look I just don't want you going crazy like you did with Myeisha"

I turned to look at him "What are you talking about?"

"You know...when you accused Mack of lacing Myeisha saying he wanted to kill her...you went crazy yo ive never seen you so angry and I don't wanna see it again"

I sat up "First of all Mack did lace Myeishas drugs okay? And im not gonna go crazy. Im fine"

"No you're not. Look we all think you should take a break from music"

"Who the fuck is we?"

"Pops...Ma...Kj...Dani, Brit, Chris and grandma, and grandpa... all of us we think you should just take a break from everything." I just found out one of my bestest friends died yesterday and they're all discussing what they think I should do with my life?

"What the fuck"

"Lauren we're just worried" he put a hand on my arm but I jerked my arm away from him.