Forever Yours (MM)(COMPLETE)

Chapter Twenty Three

Connor Chase

I blink back the fog, and I rub my eyes. Our bedroom comes into view, and I push myself to a seated position. Ethan is beside me, reading a book.

I glance at the clock, and see it's 4am. "Why're you up?" I rasp, turning to my side. My throat feels so rough, and dry.

"Haven't been sleeping much" he murmurs, putting his bookmark in place and setting the book beside him. "Let me get you some water. It's almost time for your meds too" he keeps his voice soft, and he's climbing out of bed to do what he said.

He hands me a glass of water, and a handful of pills. I don't question him, because I don't really even know how to right now. I swallow them all down.

"You're still on a mild sedative, so it'll make you sleepy."

"I feel like that's all i've done"

"It's not. you're up a lot more than you think"

Right.

"I'm so sorry for all of this" my words come out broken, and vulnerable but what else do i have?

"Pretty Boy" Ethan rasps, crouching down in front of me and grabbing my hands. "If this is what being with you is about, then I'd do it 100 times over. I want to be here. I'm just an over-thinker and I'm worried about you. But besides that I'm happy. as long as i have you"

The truth in his words vibrates down our bond and sparks down it. I nod, swallowing down my tears and sadness. "Okay" I shuffle in the bed, and slowly rise to my feet.

"Where are you going?" He asks, panic erupting on his face.

"I need to pee, and I'm really hungry. i need to move though, my body feels tight" i attempt to stretch, and when i do my back and arms pop and crack. It feels good though.

Ethan lets me go, and I head into the bathroom. I use it, and brush my teeth feeling semi better. Maybe in a bit I can attempt a shower? it would feel so good.

After I feel cleaner, I head to the kitchen where Ethan is already cooking. It looks like he's heating up some sort of soup on the stove.

"My grandpa made some soup to freeze. They said it would be one of the best things to eat after being out like you were. It's easy on your stomach. So my grandpa made like 6 different homemade soups" Ethan gives me a soft smile over his shoulder.

I chew on the inside of my cheek, trying not to cry. I feel so on edge with everything. I just wish I could've changed things.

But I don't remember anything happening, and I still don't really even know what happened. I was down for like 3 months and I apparently tried to take my life. I put my mate, my kids, and my family through heartache and i can't even remember what i did.

"Sit, and eat. Take it easy and don't eat too fast. I'll get you some electrolytes" Ethan sets the bowl on the counter, and i sit down in the seat in front of it.

I stir it, and it looks like some sort of chicken noodle soup. I blow on my spoon full, and then I slurp it down. My whole body warms, and my stomach starts to ache.

I remind myself to take it slow. "So, what's new in the last couple of months?" I whisper, taking another bite.

"Found out a lot about the kids. We have a file on them now, and found out Zach's birthday was last month. We had a party for him, and he started kindergarten a couple weeks ago. He loves it, really. Anna asks for you a lot. She would lay in bed with you when she came to visit. She would sleep on your side of the bed when we would come home. She's come to see you a couple times since you've been up but you've been out of it. She does really well in daycare. She's a huge help to the aids."

My eyes burn with tears, but I blink them back. I bob my head, and take another bite of food. My stomach stopped aching, and I'm starting to feel full. It feels relieving.

"I'm sorry i left you alone in this" i murmur my 100th apology. He doesn't say anything this time. He hands me a sports drink and gets to work on something else.

He gives me a tea, and has one himself. Once we finish those, he's ushering me back to bed. "They have sleeping properties in them. Maybe it'll help us sleep" he murmurs, and then we're climbing into bed. I don't know what i expect, but when he doesn't cuddle right up to me my heart breaks. I roll over, and hesitate. Then I'm scouting closer and resting my head on his chest. Ethan's chest deflates, and his arm wraps around me pulling me close.

——

I'm off and on a lot over the next couple days. More times than not, Ethan is sitting reading a book or doing something on his phone. He never seems to be asleep.

—-

Another couple days, and I'm still sleeping a lot. Last night was my last time taking a sedative, so I was hopeful for today. But as I start to doze off for the 3rd time of the day, I wonder what's happening all around me.

—-

Day five of being off a sedative. I woke up a few minutes ago and was able to use the bathroom and brush my teeth. Then I talk Ethan into letting me shower. I take a long one. The hot water runs over my skin, clearing away the dirt.

I'm in the shower for a long time. I wash my hair, and body. Then I stood under the sprayer for a while. Ethan knocks on the door, and checks on me a couple times. Once I'm finished in the shower, I get dried off and dressed. I'm in sweats and a hoodie, which is okay.

I head into the bedroom, and climb back into bed. Shortly after Ethan comes in with soup, and more meds. I take them both.

I eat two servings of soup, drink three big gatorades and I eat some crackers.

I sleep well through the night, and the next day I wake up early. I guess the kids are with Bran and Noah because they aren't in their rooms. I find some soup in the fridge, and I heat it up and eat it.

Ethan's actually sleeping, so I try to be as quiet as possible. I eat, do some dishes, and take another long shower. Ethan comes in panicking, and when im done he's sitting in the bed staring at the door.

"How are you feeling?" Ethan asks, and I take him in. He looks older, and he has dark circles under his eyes.

"How are you feeling?" I ask, rounding the bed and sitting beside him. He rests his hand in my lap, and I hold onto them.

"Not good. I'm so fucking tired." he whispers.

"Let me make us some tea, and we can stay in bed all day" i whisper, "We can take on the day tomorrow"

"It's friday. My dad has the kids for the weekend."

"We can sleep all weekend, then" I murmured softly. Ethan nods.

"Takeout and tea?" he whispers to me, and a small smile tugs on my lips.

"You order it, I'll find a movie"

"You got it, Pretty Boy"