I'm afraid to let myself be happy
Because I know it never lasts
Eventually, my smile will fade, and again, I'll be sad
I'm afraid to feel joy
And i never feel peace
My brain is on overdrive every time I try to sleep.
People around me told me to stay calm
But they don't know how hard that I love.
My heart breaks for others all the time
But refused to break over the things that are mine
A childhood is something that is prosaic for me,
Much of which goes unrecognized in my psyche
What was once a mask now waterproof paint
That doesn't even fade through the tear stains that run down what used to be a perfect face
Back when I was innocent and sweet
My mother there till always calms me
But now, mother is at the bottom of the bottle
And you sit back and wonder where the time went.
I'll never let myself be happy
Because I don't think it's what i deserve
Like the people who love me are all erroneous
Because loving me leads to hurt
I miss the days when I didn't worry all the time
To be a nuance to someone else is nearly suicide.
I pray that one day I see the light
And it's not the light on the other side.
