the silent heartbeat

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I stepped up on my bed right after I finished changing clothes. i grabbed my phone and laid on the bed to scroll down each social media downloaded on my device. I have no assignments to do since Claudia and Candice said that we're gonna be having our semestral break starting the day after tomorrow until next month, October 5th. Our professors hasn't bombarded us with so many tasks since they wanted us to rest so that we can prepare for the upcoming activities, lessons and assessments for an another wave of school days after the semestral break.

Good thing my mind can take a rest for thirty five days. That would be enough for me to have my own plan of relaxation, calming my troubled mind. I need to plan out a vacation like a trip to the beautiful Santorini, or dive the tropical beaches of Florida, or experience the coldness of Alaska, or gazing the clock tower of London, or experience the beauty of Boracay in the Philippines.

I need to relax as soon as possible because anytime I might die of information overload at such early age. I'll just postpone for a short time the thing that I want to do. Maybe Berryl and the others can understand that I need time for relaxation. And I need time to decide and reflectif I should take on this journey and sacrifice myself or not. Because whatever happens, my life will be at stake for death. Of course I don't want to die early because I still have my dreams in life.

Aish, why did Oliver have to die for me to experience this?

If I have saved him before the accident, if I have prohibited him from leaving the activity area, that tragic fate he experienced wouldn't have experienced.

If I had known earlier that he'd be crushed between two large transit mixer because of a sudden vehicle malfunction, I would've saved him. I closed my eyes as I remembered how torn his neck after receiving such fatal accident. How is eyes were gouged out. The pain in my chest suddenly wrecked havoc. I turned off my phone and looked at the ceiling. Oh why did this happened?

What did Oliver do to deserve this kind of experience?

For some strange reason, I felt the pain that Oliver experienced while on the brink of death. I felt how he screamed in pain as his body was torn apart, how his breathing stopped the moment his throat were lashed out, how his sight vanished as his eyes were gouged away.

I covered my face as tears started to run down my eyes. I thought I have already moved on, but I was wrong. I really haven't moved on. I thought that visiting him in his grave and saying something to him would ease everything, but its not. Its still different when you got to see the person right in front of your eyes, feel every fibre of of his essence, and experience  the his embrace.

I bitterly laughed. Whatever Elowen said, will not come true. I can't see Oliver again. Not again. Everything I experienced a while ago was just a pigment of my imagination.

I can't believe anyone anymore.

I don't know what to do now.

"Damn it! Why did I have to experience this kind of predicament in my life! I swear I was happy!" I gritted my teeth. I started punching the hem of the bed and gripped the pillow tightly. "Fuck fuck fuck!" I shouted. I would never want this to happen. Not even a million years.

Just as I was about to throw my phone out of my own frustration, I heard Mom's voice downstairs.

"Constance?!" She called.

I immediately wiped my eyes with a dry cloth. Fuck, how can I hide this puffy eyes of mine on her? Surely, she'll question me about these one.

"Constance, come down here for a second! I want to give you something!" She called me again.