Not So Poetry

Emerald

"I love you"

Oh those words so sweet and innocent.
I should be happy or excited to hear them from you.
The reaction that I was hoping for was to kick my feet and say those words to you back but I couldn't.
It scared me.
It made my stomach turn and my heart ache.
You are perfect.
You are literally absolutely everything I've ever wanted and yet I felt like everything was crashing all around me.
Then I realize... I can't love you.
I can't love you, Emerald.
We finally cut this off, this confusion. Where we both decide that we can't do this but then somehow end up on the phone talking about God knows what.
I will miss it.
Your voice, the future, the peace.
But no.
I will continue to pray those prayers.
The prayers of you finding that woman that will be exactly right for you.
Maybe we find each other again but I'm not BEGGING for the outcome.
It's more of a fingers crossed and keep the steps moving. I do have to admit.
I do love you too.
If I wasn't stuck in the mud, where I jump at the slight brush of arms or want to cry at the sight of anything similar to what I experienced, then I would have told you that I'm ready.
I love you.
Te amo.
Te amo.
Te amo.
No te voy a olvidar.
You're you.
I wish I could have cupped your face and at least told you that this feeling won't go away.
Maybe we would meet for coffee.
Where you sit in front of me, I'm older and at peace.
Where you tell me about how you are doing and I tell you that I'm actually doing good. I know you meant it.
In my heart, I wanted to say it too. Everything leads back to you.

"I love you too, ámame..por favor."