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Okay I thought of the Sans meme for some odd reason
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“A little context if you care to listen, I find myself in a shit position…”
Europa sings along to the radio, belting out every word with over-the-top confidence as she sways around the kitchen, basking in the early morning sunlight pouring through the curtains. Today, she is going to prove herself. No more takeout, no more frozen dinners. She’s going to cook. Her voice fills the kitchen as she sings another line, stirring a pot of water on the stove, feeling like the star of her own culinary show.
The water simmers on the stove, gently bubbling in a way that seems entirely unthreatening. Europa sways, singing, “The man that I love sat me down last night…” while stirring the pot with the sort of casual confidence only a complete beginner could have.
Little does she know, her overconfidence is a ticking time bomb.
Lost in her song and fantasies of serving up a masterpiece, Europa barely notices the water sizzling louder. As steam rises in swirling clouds, she picks up her phone, scrolling through the recipe, still humming under her breath. “It’s just water,” she mutters, rolling her eyes. “What could possibly go wrong?”
But then—a flicker. A spark. And suddenly, as if some kitchen demon heard her, flames erupt from the pot, rising swiftly and licking the air hungrily. Europa’s eyes widen in horror.
“Uuuuuuuh… Hey, guys…” Her voice is strained, her earlier bravado vanishing into the flames as she stares, frozen, at the fiery beast growing on her stove.
In the living room, Callisto groans, her attention glued to the latest episode of her favorite drama. “What is it?” she calls out, not taking her eyes off the TV.
“I… I think I might’ve burnt the water?” Europa says, the disbelief thick in her voice as she watches the flames, which now have their own menacing rhythm, curling and twisting up toward the cabinets.
Callisto shoots off the couch, eyes wide. “EUROPA, HOW THE FUCK DID YOU BURN THE WATER?!”
The shout shakes the whole house, snapping Ganymede out of his music trance. He yanks off his headphones, blinking as Callisto tears across the living room toward the kitchen. He follows, a sinking feeling growing in his gut as he smells smoke.
Europa, panic-stricken, grips the counter, her gaze locked on the flames. “I don’t know, girl!” she stammers, voice shaking. “It—it just…caught on fire!” The flames are crackling and roaring now, filling the kitchen with an intense heat.
“Oh my stars, the whole kitchen is on fire!” Callisto shrieks, skidding to a halt at the entrance, her face a mix of shock and fury.
"EUROPA, HOW?!"
“My bad! I can’t cook!” Europa cries out, helplessly watching as the flames stretch higher, inching dangerously close to the cupboards.
Ganymede, wide-eyed and frantic, stumbles in behind Callisto, his gaze darting between the fire and Europa. “FUUUUUUUUUU!” he yells, completely stunned.
“WE HAVE TO PUT IT OUT!” Callisto snaps, snapping herself into action. She grabs a towel, her hands trembling as she soaks it under the faucet. She turns to Europa, barely keeping her composure. “Go! Get the baking soda! NOW!”
“Right! Baking soda, yes!” Europa’s voice is shaky as she turns toward the pantry. She fumbles through the shelves, knocking over cereal boxes and bags of flour, her hands shaking as she searches. Each second feels like an eternity, the flames roaring behind her.
Ganymede, in a burst of panicked improvisation, grabs a large pot filled with water. “I’m putting water on it!” he shouts, his voice both desperate and determined.
“NO!” Callisto screams, her voice shrill. "IT'S OIL! YOU'LL MAKE IT WORSE!”
Ganymede freezes, dread pooling in his gut as he realizes the disaster he almost caused. “Then what are we supposed to do?!” he yells, looking between them with a mix of uncertainty and frustration.
“BAKING SODA!” Callisto shouts, her voice hoarse as the smoke thickens. “It’ll smother the flames! Where is it, Europa?!”
At last, Europa finds the baking soda, clutching it with a burst of determination. She sprints to the stove, her heart racing as she throws handfuls of the powder onto the fire. A cloud of white dust mixes with the black smoke, filling the kitchen with an acrid fog. But slowly, agonizingly, the flames begin to shrink, hissing in defeat as they smother under the baking soda.
The kitchen falls silent, save for the last crackles of embers fading into nothing. They all stand amidst the smoke, coughing and catching their breath, adrenaline still coursing through them. Europa’s hands shake as she clutches the baking soda box, her mind reeling from the chaos she’d created.
Breathing heavily, Callisto turns to Europa, her face an epic mixture of disbelief, relief, and, somehow, a hint of disappointment. “Europa… you are NEVER allowed to cook again.” Her voice holds an edge of finality, hardened only by the exhaustion etched into her face.
Europa nods, cheeks burning with embarrassment. “Understood. Next time, I’ll just stick to takeout.” She lets out a shaky breath, still too stunned to process what had happened.
Ganymede leans heavily against the counter, finally letting out a long sigh. “At this rate, we’re going to need fire insurance and a fire safety course.” His voice is shaky, but a small grin tugs at his lips.
Callisto does not seem amused. She looks deadpan at Europa, hands on her hips. “Next time, let’s just order something. No flames required.”
Europa tries to laugh, but it comes out more like a choked squeak. “I swear, I didn’t mean to create a fire show in our kitchen!” She manages a small, apologetic grin.
They survey the kitchen—the blackened pot, the scorched stovetop, the clouds of lingering smoke. They exchange glances, and despite the mess and lingering smell, they can’t help but laugh, each wheezing breath drawing them back to reality.
Ganymede rolls his eyes, still trying to wrap his head around it all, but unable to hide his smile. He throws an arm around Europa. “Congrats, babe. You’ve officially achieved the impossible: burning water. That takes serious talent.”
Europa lets out a real laugh this time, her relief mingling with their shared exhaustion. “Whatever,” she murmurs, squeezing his arm.
As they collapse onto the living room couch, the morning’s disaster slowly fades into a memory, their laughter lingering, turning chaos into camaraderie. They sit in a comfortable silence until Europa finally breaks it. "I’m still kinda hungry,” she sighs, looking hopefully at Ganymede.
Callisto looks at her, eyes narrowing. “Europa, I swear, if you touch one more pot, I’ll shove it—”
