02: ONE SHOT-TI

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by d1vineliw

by d1vineliw

TOLERATE IT

I wait by the door like I'm just a kid
Use my best colors for your portrait
Lay the table with the fancy shit
And watch you tolerate it"

-Taylor Swift

I used to believe that love required patience and concessions. Pouring water into each other droughts to aid in growth. One of the conventions in today's conception of love. Stay in their shadows. Save them from sinking in their ocean of dread. Help them in progressing.

In the beginning, I felt a sense of serenity in your presence. It sounded warm and cozy to be in your embrace. However, as time passed, things began to unravel. Every piece was unfolding. It was strange, but I decided to make the best of it. My world had turned into a wonderful euphoria. It was the greatest I'd ever tasted. So, I feigned to be oblivious of all the disrelish things. Leaving my values and principles behind in order to conform to yours. That's compromising, I suppose. I did everything in my power. I sincerely want to make you feel loved and cared for. I want to be your safe refuge in the midst of your screeching rage. I empathize and validate your feelings. I lend a hand whenever you are stuck in a rut of disputes. Putting you ahead of my sanity. But you never acknowledge it. Your prior trauma was a relentless virus with you, infiltrating me as time passed.

I desperately wanted to save you, but I realized you had no desire to be saved. You are close by with me, yet emotionally far away. You are there to go with the pace of the relationship without making any strides forward. The more I desire to be with you, the more I will forfeit myself. My love should be celebrated, yet you tolerate it.