Always

XX. I still love him

"I was so damn fucking scared the world will judge you, will hate you...for loving me." Yoongi's deep voice laced with anger and regret.

I don't care about the world. You are my world. Jimin wanted to to tell him that. But he didn't react nor say anything. His knees started to get weak. He looked outside of the window hoping the beautiful city lights flickering would change how he felt right now.

"When the media started to write blind items, I wasn't ready to face the consequences. I wasn't ready to tell the world about us. I love you, but I was so damn scared."

Jimin wanted to believe Yoongi. He really wanted to believe him, yet his mind won't let him. When he visited Yoongi at the hospital, that was his first step of moving forward.

"I felt so guilty. I cannot let them destroy the group because of me...because I love you. So, I married to run away."

And the day I died. He cried like there was no tomorrow when he got a call from JK that Yoongi was getting married. Tae and JK flew to London to be with him. The two did not attend Yoongi's wedding. Both stayed until it was him who dragged them to the airport to go back to Seoul.

"I was so sure if I get married, everything will be alright. Because it was the right thing. And you and I will always be wrong. I thought marrying her would eventually make me forget you." Yoongi's voice cracked.

"I tried to love her just like how I love you. I tried so hard...but you came in between us."

Yoongi was speaking the truth. He tried to love the woman he married. He showered her with love. He tried to let her in. But the space that Jimin once occupied in his heart was too stubborn. Jimin kept kicking her out. Jimin was still there, keeping his heart, so alive. The vacuum that Jimin left in his heart was left unfilled. For two years, he tried...they tried. But no amount of trying was enough for both of them. Until she realized, it wasn't worth trying anymore. She finally gave up and accepted the truth. His husband loves someone else. Yoongi married her, yet his heart and soul belong to someone else named Jimin.

Jimin wanted him to stop. He didn't want to hear anything about his life with her.

"But I didn't forget you. I didn't forget a single memory of you. I didn't forget about us..." Yoongi choked his tears. He can hardly breathe. "Everything reminds me of you."

Somewhere, Jimin could hear pain in Yoongi's voice.

"I didn't forget how you made me smile...how you always find a way to make my day. I didn't forget the nights with you in the studio. I didn't forget the day you confessed. I've kept and read all your messages hoping I would get another one from you."

I didn't forget that I love you, Jimin thought. Tears kept flowing on his face.

"But I remember when I first held your hand. I remember when I first wrapped my arms around you. I remember when I first kissed you...and the days that I can't seem to last a day without kissing you."

Yoongi looked at Jimin who has still his back on him. He could see Jimin's shoulder's shaking.

" And I will never forget our first night..." Yoongi paused. There was a smile on his lips as he recalled the past. Yoongi was reminiscing all their beautiful memories as if it only happened yesterday.

"God, I haven't forgotten how you looked me in the eyes that night...and all the nights that we made love haunted me. Every night....every damn fucking night."

When Jimin heard that, his knees finally gave in. He wanted him to stop. Why would he keep telling him the past? It just doesn't make sense. He turned to see Yoongi face buried on his hands, shaking .