Piece

Turn

During the new day, I wonder on if I am just a heartless monster but that is not true, because I have felt instances of quilt, but to all that is dear to me, have been just gone. And why would I ever want to hurt another person? Me and myself and I could never do that. Because you would need to be completely fucking dead inside and outside. And just utterly dead and gone. To the very point where nothing matters anymore, and your whole fucking stupid ass life would have to become undone. And your useless worthless and pathetic days would need to be just as miserable, with any meaning, and any chosen ability to believe in fate, be utterly fucking destroyed. And your whole fucking life would be nothing but just hell. Yeah. That sounds a lot like my own life, but I have not lost myself yet, and I have not been put down to my own fucking knees, and I have never been raped or violated by anyone. But I have been mentally abused, but that is all on my end. But that guy, that I had just killed and murdered. He was not a fucking victim, but instead, he was a fucking vile and truly an evil man. And there is no mistaking his ambitions, and his feelings, that were all ruptured with his self-loathing agony, and desperately needing a reason to go hurt others around of him, and to violate them and possibly murder them, all while he would film all of them. And could he have gotten away with it if he didn't meet me? Hah. That doesn't fucking matter anymore, because he is already fucking dead.

And I still breath in this accursed world around of me, and I can hear a clock ticking inside of my mind. And as I succumb to my deep and eternal despair, I break my chains off of me that I had put onto me to hold myself down, and then I fall into a deep nocturnal sleep. And I watch everyone around of me move around, as I wait to wake up from my new dream, that I have gotten into now. And I really wish that I could just dream forever, because at least then, I don't need to live on, in this fucking garbage ass world.

Maybe I really am a heartless monster after all.

After few moments in my transit state of a deep sounded sleep, I have closed my both eyes, and no sound from me and around of me leaves my side. And as I dream on, while not waking up until it's time, a moment passes by me, and then I open my both eyes again, because I wake up from my dream for no reason.. And I feel another rush of hate deep inside of me. And it really wants more, so, do I need go outside again? And will I be able to control myself? Because if I meet another evil person again.. I will fucking kill them. And it will be way worse than my first kill.

I should say, that I have a natural way to attack and kill a person. Because there is no hesitation, and I am a true killer. But, I never wanted to kill anyone, until they all ruined my whole fucking life.

And what was a reason to say any of this now? And how far will I reach next time? And what end awaits me? And who is it that I will meet after all of this? And is there something inside of me that wants to get out of me? And do I meet my own end soon? And who will it be that's going take my own life away from me? Or does this all fall to me? To choose how will I go?

... After thinking through my thoughts I turn towards myself, and I see a kid right in front of me. A young boy, and he looks astonoshingly beautiful with pure porcelain skin and he has a darkened slightly long hair and really threatening eyes and he wears a white robe with a black like skirt under it and white socks and he looks really scary and familiar, is that me? Or am I still dreaming or is this just a hallucination? And where have I been now? Should I just wake up? What exactly is going on? Buildings are falling down right in front of me, and sky above me is burning down .. and that kid who is just a child stands right in front of me and before of me just looking at me, and he is pointing towards the empty blackened sky with his right index finger. Is that fire that is coming my way? I can feel darkness surrounding me, and poison dropping right onto my skin. And I want to get away from it .. but instead I am standing still, as I wait for that child to come and get me.

And moments after that he touches my right hand with his right hand, and it feels really soft and I look at him straight down into his beautiful two dark eyes, and his menacing words come out of his pretty mouth, ... "Wake up."

After that horrifying ass moment, I open my both eyes again and then I look up towards my ceiling, was that child or kid that I saw in my dream just now me? Who the hell did I see? And why did I dream of all of that? Has that fucking dumb bastard that I killed and murdered been found yet? Or did anyone at all care? I really need to check media .. maybe it is on newspaper, fuck.

As my rushing thoughts cross through inside of my mind, I finally wake up.