Lost in the Void, Found in the Stars | Damian Wayne Oneshots

Amateurs | Batfam

Summary: Everyone spies on Damian, not realizing they're not the only ones.

.・。.・゜✭・»»——⍟——««.・✫・゜・。.

Damian had already sensed something odd in the house for a few hours now. The creaks, the occasional shuffling, that feeling you get when someone’s watching you—he knew something was up. But it was midnight now, and he’d thought the family would’ve given up by then. So, there he was, lying on his bed with his eyes closed, feigning sleep, when he heard a faint rustle. He suppressed a smirk, barely moving as he waited for the inevitable.

From his spot on the ceiling corner, Tim clutched onto a ledge, watching with narrowed eyes and what he thought was perfect stealth. Meanwhile, Jason was crouched inside the wardrobe, peeking through a crack in the door, eyebrows furrowed in intense concentration. Dick was under the bed, holding his breath, the side of his face pressed to the carpet as he tried to see Damian’s face for any reaction. And then there was Stephanie, who had managed to wedge herself between the bookshelves, wedged uncomfortably but convinced her hiding spot was genius.

Across the room, Barbara was behind the curtains, peeking through the tiniest gap, one hand poised over her mouth. Cass had stationed herself on top of the armoire, balanced effortlessly, scanning Damian’s every move with a hawk’s precision. And somehow, in some miraculous feat of logistics, Duke had crammed himself under Damian’s desk, practically holding his breath as he wondered what, exactly, he was doing there.

In the doorway, leaning in just enough to get a view, stood Bruce, arms crossed, watching like he was waiting for some grand reveal. Even Alfred was lurking just beyond Bruce’s shoulder, completely calm but with the faintest hint of a smile, probably taking bets in his mind on who’d blow their cover first.

Damian’s eye twitched as he cracked one eye open and let out the longest, loudest sigh. “You know, I can see all of you, right?”

A beat of pure, stunned silence. And then:

Tim gasped, clinging harder to the ledge as he jerked back, muttering a curse. “Wait, all of us?”

Jason squinted from his wardrobe spot. “Wait. All?”

Stephanie poked her head out from the bookshelves, staring at everyone else as if this was some wild fever dream. “Hold up. You’re all here too?”

Dick’s muffled voice came from under the bed. “...Why does everyone look so surprised?”

Everyone looked at each other, wide-eyed.

Bruce looked mildly offended, like this entire covert operation was some betrayal of his secret mission. “What exactly are you all doing here?”

“What are you doing here?” Stephanie shot back, crossing her arms as she tried to balance herself on the bookshelf, nearly toppling out.

Tim, still balancing from his spot on the ceiling corner, was looking around with sheer bewilderment. “Everyone was spying on him? And no one thought to, like, coordinate?”

Duke, crawling out from under the desk, shrugged, looking utterly bewildered. “I didn’t even know you guys were in here! I just—thought I’d keep an eye on Damian. For safety reasons.”

Barbara slipped out from behind the curtain, eyeing the group with an unimpressed look. “Oh, so we all had the same idea then?”

Cass tilted her head from her perch on top of the armoire, grinning down at them like a cat who just caught a whole room of mice. “We should work on stealth.”

Jason muttered, stepping out of the wardrobe. “I can’t believe all of you were here.”

Damian just stared at them, deadpan. “None of you are as stealthy as you think you are.”

Bruce cleared his throat, as if he could somehow take control of the situation, looking at Damian with a stern expression. “It was…a family security check.”

Damian raised an eyebrow. “A ‘security check’ that involves everyone lurking in my room like it’s some kind of cheap spy movie?”

Jason snorted, crossing his arms as he shot a glare at the others. “I wasn’t lurking; I was doing recon. There's a difference. What’s your excuse?” He pointed accusingly at Tim, who huffed and crossed his arms.

“Recon is the exact same thing as lurking,” Tim shot back, then glanced sheepishly at Bruce, who glared back with mild betrayal.

“Seriously, though,” Barbara muttered, shaking her head, “why are all of you in here?”

There was an awkward silence as they all exchanged glances, each realizing none of them actually had a real reason for being there. Damian’s deadpan stare only made it worse.

Then, everyone started talking all at once.

“I thought you might be bored—” “Just wanted to check up—” “Totally didn’t think anyone else was—” “It’s tradition, kid!”

Damian, in the middle of the chaos, took a deep breath and waited for them to finish. When they finally quieted down, he fixed each of them with an unimpressed look. “You know, there’s this incredible new thing called knocking.”

Jason crossed his arms. “Eh, we all agreed that was boring.”

“Look, we…we just...wanted to make sure you're—doing okay?” Dick said, scratching his head.

Damian rolled his eyes. “Oh, so you collectively decided that invading my room at night and playing hide-and-seek was the best way to check on my well-being?”

“Basically…yes...?” Tim offered, looking around the room as if that might explain things better.

Stephanie threw up her hands, laughing. “I’ll admit it. I just wanted to see if you were hiding anything. It’s not like you were gonna say it willingly.”

Damian crossed his arms, a smirk tugging at his lips. “You’re all terrible at this, you know. I’ve known about you the entire time.”

Bruce glanced around at the others, exhaling as he took on his Dad Voice. “Alright, everyone out. Damian…carry on.”

The group slowly shuffled out, grumbling and muttering under their breath, shooting each other glares as they filed out the door, casting one last exasperated glance at Damian before disappearing into the hallway.

Once they were all gone, Damian allowed himself a small, satisfied smile. He closed his eyes, muttering to himself, “Amateurs.”

End