Crossroads

Dark Side

Of course,  I had to say yes.  

Well, not yes.  But I was curious about this power.  Whatever it may be, wherever it may come from, I wanted to know.  And Vader had a way of helping me.  Of course, it wasn't one-sided: I kept my life, and he had a padawan to train.  I was awfully curious about this power, where it came from.  I had never seen it, never experienced it myself obviously .

And I was dying to know.  

Vader had allowed me back to my room after the first training session.  I was instructed to stay close, but could roam about the ship if I wanted.  I doubt I could hop on a ship and go, and even if I could, I had a feeling he would track me down quickly.

So, I wandered.  I kept my head down, hidden underneath a cloak in my closet.  I was just like him now, hiding my face and identity for what?? What possible reason? 

I wandered for what felt like hours along the identical looking corridors.  It felt like a maze, going longer and longer and deeper and deeper into the base.  I still had no idea where exactly I was, or what I was on, but it was huge.  

I wandered into the hangar, gazing at the dozens of TIEs stored, the hundreds of pilots coming to and from.  The window into open space. 

After a while, I knew Vader was going to be unhappy if I was gone any longer.  His patience was borderline non-existent; I know I am not the most patience person, but he tops me in that area.Though I felt I was going to be lost in this maze for eternity because all of these hallways looked the EXACT same-- I was lost.  I was without a doubt lost. 

"Are you lost already?" 

I nearly jumped out of my skin at Vader's voice behind me.  He strode down the hallway, like a black, majestic beauty with his cape billowing.  

"I just got turned around." I said. "These hallways are all the same." 

"During my first few weeks I was turned around too. The elevators are this way." 

He motioned back the way I came; I turned on my heel, feeling his presence behind looming behind me.  The next thing was rather surprising-- he placed a hand on the small of my back, guiding me around the corner. 

His leather hand was pressing against my black jacket , pressing the material into my skin.  My skin underneath was turning hot and sweaty, I was turning hot and sweaty. It wasn't even like his skin was on mine, it was covered by his leather gloves.  I wonder how his skin felt against mine, my bare back...

He cleared his throat, loudly, as we walked onto the elevator. 

Fuck, my thoughts were loud again.

"They are, my young apprentice.  We will work on that."

A few moments passed before I summoned an ounce of courage. 

"When do I get to see my master's face?" I asked, though I was terrified of the answer.  Hell, he may kill me just for asking this stupid question. 

"I won't kill you for asking a question.  Though, we have plenty of time to figure that out."

"And the answer to my question?" 

"When I decide you are ready."

Well, that was a dumb answer.  

I heard him faintly chuckle behind me in response to my thoughts.  I really had to work on controlling my thoughts.  I was never good at that, even when I was still in the Order. Master Windu always used to chastise me when my thoughts were too loud, too emotional.  Unrestrainted. 

Though I had many troubles with restraint with the Order.  I wasn't like many of my fellow younglings, and then padawans.  I could never put my finger on it, but Jedi would congregate and whisper and watch me as a I trained and sparred.  There was something they were watching for, yearning for a glimpse to see. Or perhaps to not see.  

I always knew I was somewhat different than the others.  Especially when it came to training, no one would ever want to face me.  For a while, I was convinced it was because I was just that good and strong.  But after a while, I started to sense that it was something else. 

Toward the end of my training, just weeks before I was made a Jedi, something shifted within me.  During training, I would go harder against my opponents.  I was unyielding, unable to draw back and show mercy or take it as a training exercise.  I was so focused that many of my opponents had to beg for surrender to end the match. 

And afterwards, everyone looked terrified of me.  Like I was a monster, not a Jedi.  Not one of them. It was a miracle Master Yoda allowed me to take the test and face the trials given my recent track record in trainings. Not surprisingly, I passed the trials with flying colors.  The Masters said they hadn't seen anything like it in a while. The last time they had seen it was with a Jedi Master just a few years prior, though I never knew of them or their name. 

I was starting to get the feeling that whatever had used to bubble below the surface in trainings had burst forth earlier.  In a fit of rage and anger, something had sprung forth and made me feel that kind of power. Power I had nevr felt or experienced before.  

I craved it more-- I wanted more. I wanted to feel it again. And whatever that power was likely made the Council and the Order fear me long ago.  Maybe they saw it within me, scratching and clawing to get out. Though I was young, maybe the power was untapped and new then. I was older now, not stronger but perhaps I could tap into my power easier. 

"What was that back there? And don't say my anger." I asked.  If anyone knew, it was him.  Whatever I had shown, he had been happy, almost smug about.

A beat passed for he responded, the elevator crawling to a stop on our floor. He said nothing, just placed his hand on my back and guided me to my door.

"Get some rest.  I'll see you tomorrow." he turned to go into his own quarters, just feet away.

"Answer me!" I snapped, though my vocie sounded more pleading and begging than it did aggressive. 

He glanced back, his eyes bright, before he opened the door to his quarters.

"The Dark Side." 

Then he shut the door, leaving me alone.