Dual Eclipse

5

I jumped from my sleep, soaked in cold sweat and immediately broke down into painful sobs. I flew off the bed and ran to the bathroom before vomiting the little dinner I had.

And alcohol.

They never stopped. The nightmares would never let me go. They plagued my mornings, afternoons and nights. I could not escape them. This one was different. It was me dead with a noose around my neck.

I pinched myself, the pain sending a zap through me, reminding me how alive I am right now. Hell, I craved death once upon a time, and now the thought of it had me crying my eyes out.

The last time I cried like this was when I had my first heartbreak, and it was a foolish love that I thought would last. We were children, for fuck’s sake. This time is different. I was a young woman, discovering her body, learning from my wrongs and seeing a future for myself, and now this all went down the drain.

I don’t know who I am anymore. I have no purpose on this earth, yet I was scared of death. The holes in my face came to mind, and how the black veins thickened in my face. I was slowly rotting until I turned to sand.

Mama would be there for me, singing my favourite song and caressing my back. She’d understand me, yet I refused to tell her the truth about Russia and how they raped me. I couldn’t do it. I knew my mother would blame herself and kill herself over it. I was slowly dying on the inside, and when I found their lifeless bodies on that floor, it took the cake.

“Just come back to me, Mama. I’m so sorry.” I cried over the toilet. “I’m so scared to trust them. I know they’re not good people to be around. It’ll never work out. I just need you and Papa.” I cried over the toilet to nothing at all.

I batted my lashes, looked into the bedroom and swore a shadow loomed over the doorway. “Please, stop. Stop it. Go away, please.” The tears refused to stop even after I beat my eyelashes. “You’re not real. It’s in my head.” I squeeze my eyes and curl into a ball on the cold floor.

“One, two, three—” I fell asleep trembling and crying.

I groaned, bringing my hand to the tickle on my toes. I shifted my leg and got startled awake by the bite from nowhere. I rushed into a sitting position to see a grey kitten curling itself on its back before taking the duvet into its mouth and kicking its back legs to get rid of it. I frowned, blinking once, twice before pinching my arm.

Then, the creature meowed and attacked my feet. I jumped off the bed. Its tail fluffed, and its back arched. “Where the hell did you come from?”
Meow. It stalked toward me, and I recoiled until my back pressed against the wardrobe.

I loved cats, but when a random one showed up in a locked apartment and my bed, it had some explaining to do.

Cats can’t talk, Vicki.

“That’s not the point. Where did you come from?” I looked around the room and spotted nothing out of place. “I’m not dreaming, so I know you’re real.” The thing stretched its front legs on the wardrobe and scratched.