All At Once

Who am I?

"The sound of the rain is all I wanted to hear, it brings peace, with no lies" I wrote.
"Honey, what are you doing?"
Trevor asked walking into the room
"Nothing much babe, just adding touches to my book"
"I made lunch, you hungry?"
Trevor was such a darling, I can't even imagine
"Yeah sure, I'll be with you soon, can you help me with your phone a bit? My network is bad and I have to browse up a word" I asked
  "Alright" he said handing me the phone, and he left to the kitchen
    I was just minding my business when a text came in on his WhatsApp from an unsaved number, I didn't want to read the content but I did anyways, curiosity got the better of me.
I read the texts quickly and silently, I froze.
   "Are you okay?" He asked interrupting my thoughts, I sat up on the bed staring at him
   "Yes yes I'm fine, you startled me"
  "I've been waiting for you, the food's getting cold" He added, his face trying to read mine
  "Oh shit I almost forgot, let's go"
He could sense something was wrong, I did an excellent job acting normal, I wasn't good at confrontations, I might just lose it, so I'll save it for another day.
It was from a girl apparently, the worse happened, I read all their chats, Trevor was cheating on me, sorry, has been cheating on me for the past 3 months, and this lady wasn't even as close as pretty as I am, she just looked older, like really old. I stared at the phone wanting to feel something, sadness, rage? But I felt... Nothing.  What did I feel? Nothing, I guess I already expected it, what comes with dating a rich man. 'How could he be cheating and yet act so well to me, I never noticed' I thought to myself, I felt like I was going to throw up soon.
    We ate in silence.
"Are you sure you're good? You're not yapping like you used to" He chuckled. I gave a smirk
  "Yes yes I'm fine"
  "About the birthday money, you said you needed...?"
  "Any amount will be fine" I added. He picked up his phone and dialed a number
  "Hello Maryam, how are you?" He asked, that was his bank manager
   "All good, could you send the sum of 300k to miss Belle Morgan account?" He asked eating slowly "alright thank you" he got off the phone.
"It's done" He said holding my hand
  "Okay, thank you" I smiled
Classic Trevor, he knew what I liked and how to distract me from main issues by giving me more money, he doesn't listen, whenever I try to communicate he assumes I need money and buys my silence by sending me some, it was fun at first but I'm starting to get sick of it, I want a boyfriend that's willing to change, not the one that spends money on me whenever he messes up
'the prices we pay Belle, the prices we pay' a little voice in my head said.

    †**************************†

"Belle, you're so beautiful" Another text came in from Trevor.
"Thank you" Heaven knows how tired I was of empty compliments.
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Yesssssss"Emphasis on the yes, thinking he'll settle for only official conversations now
"Oh I knew already, just wanted to see if you'd lie, I've done all my findings on you Belle" He said.
That gave stalker vibe and for some reason, I smiled
"Would you like to go on a date on Sunday? Evening?" He texted again. A date?I don't even have a proper outfit, and isn't this guy just suppose to be my client?
  "Bro, I don't mix up business with pleasure, you're my client, I shouldn't be going on a date with you" I texted slightly crossed.
  "Okay then, let's make it a business date, a date where we talk about business and business alone, sounds good?"
I gave it a thought, I've never been on a real date before, the last time I begged Noah to take me on one it ended up becoming an argument of him not having money and how I was so needy, so I swore never to bring it up again, and besides date equals free dinner so why not?
  "Fine, I'd go on the date with you, for business" I said.
  " Yes, for business Belle" something about the way he said business made me know it wasn't only about business lol "goodnight princess"

   "I got a new assignment and note deal, he offered 17k, one of the big boys in class"I told Noah the following Monday, turns out the date I scheduled with Trevor was cancelled cause he had to go to another state for some business trip.
  "17k? That's huge baby" Noah said "You know I can help you tho, then we'll split the funds" He said , we both laughed
  "Nah, I'll be fine" I said. We were at a local joint in school having lunch, he paid for our food and we walked out.
  "I'd have to stop paying for your food, maybe you should try eating from home" He said jokingly. The f*ck does that suppose to mean?
  " Bro you spent only 3k, just 3k" I said. He looked at me and smiled, what was funny?
  "You should go chill with your friends aren't you tired of following me around?" He asked
  "But you know I don't have much people to hang out with"
  "I know Honey, go meet Tari or maybe someone else, I'd see you around, after class?" I nodded and he walked away.
  Okay, I know you might say 'he treats you like shit' or 'he's being mean' but you should understand firstly. Some days with Noah are perfect, he's sweet, loving and the perfect boyfriend, while other days, yeah he's mean, like the times he always criticize my outfits, when he has never even bought a pair of panties for me, or the time he didn't like my birthday present to him cause he wanted a shoe of 60k lol! I should probably rob a bank for my love, this dude hasn't even spent up to 30k on me, the only thing I know he has bought for me is this iron necklace, cause I can't even call that silver, it's iron, aluminum, and my neck even hurts whenever I wear it, so some days I just keep it at home, to look at it. He claims he's been having financial issues, the cause of his crankiness, so I just try my best to be with him, cause I love him.
I got a call from Trevor
   "Hello?"
  "Yes Belle, send your account number to my WhatsApp, I want you to start my job today"
  "Okay boss" finally, some money
I sent it to him and carried on with my school day, Mondays are always chaotic in St Idowu Micheal university of education, but whatever.

I got home that day to find mum sobbing
  "Mummy, what happened?" I asked.
  "Your medical bills just came in, you need a refill, it's 120k" she said. I sat down covering my face with my hands, lord what is happening? 120k? Do you know how many tests and assignments I'd have to do? I haven't even bought any of my textbooks yet. I'm asthmatic and had other illnesses I'll talk about later, I was on medication almost everyday of my life, even being sick costs a lot
  "Mummy, it's okay, I would think of something" I said patting her back, I obviously didn't know what to do but she needed comfort at that moment, more than I did.
  "Oh Belle, what will I have done without you, I promise to work harder and give you and Amanda the life you girls deserve, God bless you" I smiled weakly, Amanda was already sleeping, it was 7pm, I wasn't even hungry anymore I just took a shower and layed on my bed.
  I called Noah telling him everything and asking if he could help with at least only my inhaler, but as usual, it ended up in a fight and he said it's not his fault that I'm always sick.
  I wanted to sleep and forget it all but then Trevor texted, again
  "Hey sorry I haven't sent the money yet, I've been very busy, how was your day?"
  "Trevor please leave me alone, if you don't want to send it again it's fine, I'm not I'm the mood for all of this" I snapped
"Why? What's wrong?"
I told him everything, it felt good to open up to someone.
  "Be my girlfriend Belle, I'd take care of you completely" he said.
"What?" I asked laughing out loud while staring at my screen
"Listen Belle, I've loved you since the first day I saw you, love at first sight I guess, and I know it might sound crazy since I just met you, you deserve better and I can give you that, your boyfriend is unsupportive and as beautiful as you are, you can't be stressing yourself working like a man? Is that what you truly want?" He asked. I've heard about 'love bombing' popularly known as 'men will say and do anything to get in between your legs', and that's exactly what I was feeling Trevor's motive was. Perks of being a beautiful girl, you hardly get love, only lust.
  "I cannot leave Noah for you, you might be way worse, I wouldn't risk that" I said
" But you should consider, you deserve happiness, I can take care of you"
"I do not need to be taken care of ! You should stop now, I love Noah and I would never leave him" I said, ending the discussion.
  "You just broke my heart Belle, it's alright, it's your choice "
I didn't reply him anymore, but that night, I couldn't help but think, if Trevor really likes me like he claims... Which I feel it's not possible, we're misfits, he's rich, fancy and all, I'm not, I think his type should be baddies, which I can't even afford one wig on a baddies hair, why me? And as much as I hated to admit it, he was right about Noah tho, Noah wasn't supportive even to the slightest bit, it was like I was single, meanwhile I'm in a 3 months relationship. I went to bed, half annoyed, half sad.

  The week went by quietly, Noah called me to apologize, and told me to cover up for him in school cause he wouldn't be around for some days, we hardly spent time hanging out these days, the relationship was getting to the sour stage, he wasn't all lovey dovey over me anymore, whenever I complained he'd say I'm always nagging and I should be grateful for the little he does for me, like bro, I'm not even asking for money anymore, just some love and attention but apparently, no. I was low-key tired of everything, of him, of the relationship, but unfortunately, I loved him, so I stayed, wondering who I was and what love made me do.